Dark Side...or Not?

So the kids are playing Star Wars in the living room and I overhear Elena say, "Rally! Rally! Everyone who loves the Dark Side come to this rally!" There's a pause and Riddick says, "That guy's not a dark side character."

Post-pool Riddick

Riddick taking a shower after being in the pool all evening, and suffering somewhat of an allergic reaction to the pool chemicals, the most noticeable being a hoarse voice.

Me: How's it going in there bud?

R: It feels really good. 

Me: Good.

R: Except my voice is changed. 

Me: Well, that happens. You've been shouting a lot and you've somewhat of a cold. 

R: Is it because I'm getting older?

Me: Ummm noooo...that'll be a few more years. 

R: Oh. Well Rohan's voice changed.

Me: Yeah, but he's a teenager. 

R: So not yet?

Me: No. Not yet. 

Rohan

Seriously...I've never been a huge fan of myself, and for my son, this person...this human being that did not exist when I was fighting for an identity as an adolescent, to have ridden his bike to my house with his cool Tony Hawk helmet on that i bought for him three years ago... it is one of the single most monumental events that has ever affected me. THAT is what I mean by "bursting." I can't contain what is inside of me. I love them so, so much.

El & Eddie: You Are Invited!

Elena: Dad! I have an invitation to go to a birthday party!
Me: Really! Where is it?
Elena: I don't know! It's in cursive!

El & Eddie: Bad Mermaids

Elena loves to interact with movies, similar to how audiences do with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They're currently watching the latest Pirates movie, and the mermaid scene came on. So, of course, Elena conjured up imaginary mermaids wreaking havoc throughout the living room. Riddick is usually in disagreement with the current game afoot, as he is usually the "victim", so he abruptly declared, "No, Elena! All bad mermaids live in Kentucky!!!"

Being pwned by Elena

Elena watching Max and Ruby: "Daddy, I think the name Sally-Swims-a-Lot is a funny name."
Me: "How about Sally-Poops-a-Lot?"
Elena: "How about Daddy-Idiot-a-Lot?"

Tonight's Allie Quotes...Just for the Record

I know I tweet these, but they just get lost in the digi-shuffle.  So, this is the best place to perma-post.  These are some of Al's classic lines from tonight.

"I just found out a couple days ago I have a thinking face."

‎"You know what I would love to do?! Be a vampire in a movie! But have you ever seen a blonde chick as a vampire?!?! No! They always have brown hair and brown eyes!"

"The French club is selling bon bons. I find that rather strange. I guess I should buy some."

Field Trips or Bust

Ro: Guess what? We'll probably only get to go on two field trips this year!
Me: So?
Ro: So??? We went on like six last year!!! Our teacher said they have no money!
Me: Dude, when I was in school we were lucky to go on even one field trip every year!
Ro: Dad! Get over the past! That was in the Nineteen Hundreds! You had no money back then!
Elena: What about the Eighties?!
Me: YEAAAAAAH!!!

Elena's Pine Cone

I just gave Elena a small calendar for the new year called "Baby Animals."  We started going through, flipping the pages, naming each animal.  There was a penguin chick, a polar bear cub, a fawn, etc.  Then I flipped the page and saw this squat little baby porcupine, something I had honestly never seen before, and Elena said, "Awwwww! A baby pine cone!"

I'll be sad when Elena loses her speech impediment

Elena walks into my room holding a Star Wars blaster and says, "Daddy! We are de tops, and we're going to arrest you! Shoot'im Riddit!" Riddick starts yelling, like he's snapping into a Slim Jim, and Elena marks me with the red laser from the toy gun and shouts, "Oooo! Daddy! Der's a lady bud on you!"

After Dinner

Elena: Mommy? Why do we say, "May I be Ets-stused?"
Emily: Well, that's what we say when we're polite.
Rohan: That's what fancy people say, and eventually, I will become fancy.
Emily: Rohan, you're adorable.
Elena: Rohan, someday a hot durl is dowing to marry you!

The cuteness of Elena continues...

I'm in the dining room working on some tabs, and Elena comes in and says that she's "humbry." As much as I love that word, I correct her and ask her to politely ask for something to eat. I then get her a Lunchable out of the fridge, unpack it, and hand it to her. She asks, "Am I going to eat this in the living room?" I say, "Sure, just be careful." She then smiles and roles her eyes and replies, "This is going to be sooooo insane!"

Another Elena-ism

Elena: Daddy do you want to see what I drawed?

Daddy: Sure.

Elena: See?!

Daddy: Oh! That's wonderful!

Elena: Do you want to see what Allie drawed!

Daddy: Sure.

Elena: See?!

Daddy: That's great! Hey, do you know how we say that? We say, "drew." So, I draw my picture, but I drew it yesterday. So, see what I can draw? See what I just drew? So, can you say drew? Say drew.

Elena: Drooled!

Daddy: Umm...yeah, good job.

Bathtime: as Heard from My Bed

Elena: “Oh, Mom!”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Elena: “Oh, Mom!”
Em: “What honey!”
Elena: “Oh, I fordot to pee adin!”
Em: “Well, that’s okay…”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “It looks like your brother did too…”
Riddick: “O’no!”
Elena: “OOOOO!”
Em: “Don’t worry about it”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “I’ha!”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What’s hot?”
Riddick: “I’ha!”
Em: “Yes, the water’s hot…”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What honey?!”
Elena: “His butt!”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “Poop tum out?”
Em: “Yes, that’s where your poop comes out but you don’t want to touch it, you just need to wash it.”
Riddick: “Poop tum out!”
Em: “Get your finger out of your butt!”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “Here…”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What? Hey! Leave your pee-pee alone!”
Elena: “OOOOOO! He peed!”
Em: “He did not pee!”
Elena: “OOOOOO!”
Em: “He peed when he got in like you did!”
Riddick: “Boohoohoohoo!”
Em: “Hang on! You’re almost done!”
Elena: “Mom.”
Riddick: “BWAAAAAH!”
Em: “What?”
Elena: “Look!”
Em: “Uh, huh.”
Elena: “I did it myself!”
Em: “Mmm-hmm.”
Riddick: “Mim!!!”
Em: “What, honey?”
Riddick: “No-nut!”
Em: “Yes, that’s a donut.”
Riddick: “No-nut!”
Em: “Alright, you’re done. Come on, let’s go see your dad…Elena, please stop!”
Elena: “Am I all clean?”
Em: “No, you still have to wash your hair.”
Riddick:”H-d-d-d-d-d…”
Em: “Here….here’s your Dad.”
Riddick: “Dahdeee!”
Me: “Hi, Riddick!”
Riddick: “Aaahhssheeewwww!”
Me: “Thanks for sneezing on me Riddick.”
Riddick: “Dahdeeee!”
Me: “What Riddick?”
Riddick: “Dah boo boo?”
Me: “No, that’s my belly button.”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What Elena?”
Elena: “I’m washing my pony’s hair.”
Riddick: “Dah boo boo?”
Me: “No honey, that’s my belly button.”
Riddick: “Oh. Dah baby?”
Me: “Ah, no.”
Riddick: “Dah baby!”
Me: “Ah, yes…that my booby.”
Elena: “Mom! I dot a red butt!”
Em: “No, you’re fine.”
Riddick: “Wobwobwobwobwob” (with a toy cup placed to his mouth)
Em: “Alright, that’s it”
Elena: “NOOOO!”
Riddick: “Wobwobwobwobwob”
Em: “Come on”
Elena: “NOOOO! I forgot to wash her hair!”
Em: “It’ll be fine.”
Elena: “No it won’t be fine!”
Em: “Come on.”
Elena: “No it won’t be fine!”
Em: “Do we yell like that?”
Elena: “AAAA!”
Em: “Come on.”
Elena: “AAAAA!”
Em: “Let’s go.”
Elena: “Mom.”
Em: “What?”
Elena: “I dot duh wahder in my mouth and I spit it out!”
Em: “Well, we don’t spit water on the floor.”
Elena: “But dat’s duh spit take!”
Em: “Well, we don’t do that.”
Elena: “But I, Tarly does it!”
Em: “Well, we don’t. Now let’s go to bed.”
Elena: “Rot an Roll!!!”

I was in the kitchen digging around for ice in the cooler when Elena joined me and said, "We can't see the ice cubes because of the darkness, right daddy?"

Elena, Baby Slimers, and Sliders

So I was walking through the kitchen to the breakfast nook with some freshly nuked White Castle burgers. I know that sounds extremely healthy and appetizing, but they're the first I've bought at the super market in almost two years --guilty pleasure, and since I know how nasty they are for my consitution and overall well-being, I'm very much aware when I bought them last. Anyway, Elena came walking along with Rohan's "The Big Book of Reptiles" with the dust jacket dragging, as I swear the book is almost as big as she is.

She said, "Daddy, there are some baby ones in here and they are soooo cute!"

"Baby what?" I asked.

"These lizaaaards in heeeere! Duh?!" she replied as she rolled her eyes at me.

I picked up the book as I sat my White Castles on the table. I looked at the picture and it looked like an earthworm with a little head and two small appendages protruding from the neck area...that is, if it had a neck area.

"This thing?" I asked. "That's disgusting!"

"No it's not! It's just a baby and it's super cute!"

I looked at her and wondered what type of "-ologist" worked with amphibians, because they needed to petition my four-year-old to join their ranks. Imagine the grant money they could procure with her charm?

She pulled the book away from me and held it sideways, like a navy crewman admiring a new pin-up during The Big One, and squealed, "You are so, so cute!!!" Then she gave me a sidelong look, glanced over at my three-hundred calorie gut bombs and said, "We need that one thing that Rohan likes on t.v. to make sliders."

"The what?" I asked, because even though I do my best to decipher everything that comes out of my children's mouths, I am sometimes outmatched by their superior cultural lexicon.

"The sliders, Dad!"

"You mean this sandwich?"

"No! The pan!"

"Oh. Oh yeaaah! The thing that makes, umm...sliders. Sure, I get it. Yeah. I mean, no. No, we don't need that."

Elena rolled her eyes again, shook her head, smiled once more at the mini-God Emperor of Dune, and walked out of the room. I sat for a second in her wake, then whistled for Max. His promptness was rewarded with White Castles. Then I ate some Yoplait --Blackberry Pomegranate to be exact.

Greatness from Rohan

When I want comedy, I look no further than dinner time conversation. The other night at dinner, Allie said, "I know who Rohan likes!" Rohan just stared at her as she proclaimed, "Her name is Emily." Rohan barked, "How do you know?" Allie replied, "I looked her up in the yearbook!" Rohan smacked his own forehead and exclaimed, "They've got names in there?!?!?"