Road Trip into the Sun

This a road long ago traveled
Maybe completely unknown
It is hard to tell
Hard to see
Surely there are markers
But in this blur unseen
Speeding and speeding and speeding
Where there were torrents of rain
Now the sun is too bright
The weather almost too fair
Am I hopelessly open?
Too purposefully unguarded?
Earnest and willing?
Speeding and speeding and speeding
I just feel like exploding though!
It is so difficult to explain
A puffed up searing in my chest
The thought of touching something
So illuminated in perpetuity
How can I possibly slow down?
But was not common sense
Made for times like this?
Yet did I ever or have I ever
Really ever subscribed to that?
Spontaneity and a robust desire
Have never served ill my
Honest and hopeful intentions
But there is that floating fear
That pervades throughout my mind
That intercepts and tries to derail
My most minute attempts at happiness
That fear that leaves me considering that
All of this...
Every fine porcelain facet of this
Is nothing more than an
Evanescent dream
Something that I was not meant to have
Something meant for someone else
Of which I will never be worthy
A fear I will never set foot
Out of this wilderness
But it just cannot be!
As much as I fear it
Even so much greater
Is my adamant denial of that fear
So much so that I know
Deep down in my heart
That there is a possibility
There is the chance
However small
However unlikely
That I might touch this light
Bathe in its warmth
Even if I risk burning alive
Just to give back...
To give all of what I am...
Unashamed
Unrestricted
Uninhibited
With no concern of
Mutual exchange
Just knowing that
I am making a difference
Knowing that I am bringing
Joy and happiness
To another
In my mind it is an abolute
So undeniably worth it
Speeding and speeding and speeding
Just to make it in time
To be able to once again say
I love you.

Pause and Apprehension

I can smell it...
I can almost feel it...
I know it is there
A new breeze
Though faint I know it is there
Because I have heard its voice
I have heard its song
And I just keep waiting and waiting
And the candles are burning down
And fear is creeping around my mind
And that fear has only stolen aboard
By way of an older and less promising
Harsh wind of the past
Guiltless and remorseless
A wind that was full of promises
But turned everything barren
In its wake and is now rearing
Its face once again
Selfishness in spite of my pain
And so now I am here
Almost in the dark
Trying so desperately
To shield myself
Trying so hard
To keep the door open
For just a bit longer
Just a few moments longer
Hoping and waiting
Waiting and hoping
That the new breeze
Has not disappeared
But will return
To scatter the dark
To open up the sky
To bring change
To tell me it will be alright
To save me

The Wind and the Gray

Some mention of loss
Vague and off to the side
Silent and lithe
So dear to my sight
Foot fall and stop
Broken lips more than not
A sad picture says all
But that’s not what I see

They may see
What did never mend
They may tell
Of what they heard and then
They may propose
The sordid rumored end
They may all serve
Themselves forever ill

Simple wind
Simple gray
Unmistakable smell of a
Summer rain
I can’t tell
What I believe
But you are here
And I see
Simple lines
Simple means
Unmistakable fear of a
Friend in need
So I can’t tell
You what to believe
But you are here
And I see

The stress of why
And how it all comes down
The questions mount
You say to yourself that it all just doesn't make
Sense and senses you start to doubt
Yourself and all you’re scared to allow
To happen how it may oh dear just let
What might be just natural play out

I don’t see
What did never mend
You told me all
I need to know and then
I may propose
A very different end
Different from them
Different from him

Simple wind
Simple gray
Unmistakable smell of a
Summer rain
I can’t tell
What I believe
But you are here
And I see
Simple lines
Simple means
Unmistakable fear of a
Friend in need
So I can’t tell
You what to believe
But you are here
And I see

Wind and the Gray - DGC 10/31/09

Was

Finally home and it's all finished
I look back for love of fiction I wish
That somewhere back there I don't know when
Maybe what if we had waited, you know who's to say
The brighter side could've taken hold
Maybe obliterate the thought of being old
It's hard now, so hard now
Good and evil both farewell

Time doesn't exist for me
Forgotten gone away I'll envy
For what I am known for what I will be
Means absolutely nothing
Absolutely nothing

Late summer trip out East
I really, really wanted to believe
The air was different, the sun was different
We were both there and it didn't make a difference
That three days went by so fast
And the next three years were a blinding crash
This star has died sucking in the dreams
Now my course has changed and what was has ceased

Time doesn't exist for me
Forgotten gone away I'll envy
For what I am known for what I will be
Means absolutely nothing
Absolutely nothing

I will push further and further
This will break cleaner and faster
I will wait for another
I alone will shake this disaster

DGC 1998

Whenever I Fall

Washing cycle carries on
The candles have all gone to bed
Sitting criss-cross on the floor
And I am thinking about a friendly voice
No expectation to lasso the moon
I do not even know what time it is
Staring at a shadow that will not move
And I am thinking about a friendly voice
The carpet tells no tale of running feet
The refrigerator echos near empty
Small voices remember me from across the town
And I am thinking about a friendly voice
I know the rain will bite and gnaw
I know time is green-eyed and chasing me
How strange the new now I miss the most
And I'm dreaming of a friendly voice

"Lolo Sang" by Ida

All the time we spent running
From the war, from the deluge
I was sure that I would see you
Once again, once again
Didn’t know if you were looking
For a highway or a room
Or the promise of some refuge
Or a good friend to help you though
Oh the days are getting shorter
And the wild flowers take the wind
And I hear the night birds singing
Will I see your face again?
Long ago on an island
Where the rice fields meet the sky
Lolo drank with his brothers
Played guitar, sang and cried
All this time I was searching
For a home I could not see
I just knew I didn’t belong here
Then you finally came to me
Oh my babe I truly love you
More than these words could ever say
And I know we’re just passing through here
But there’s no place I’d rather stay

Late Blues

if i get lost along the way to meet you
if i'm more than a little late
if i get caught up in circles chasing my own tail
if i trip up and fail you
if i let you down
if i let you down

i can see that injury that accompanies the passage of years
i can try to rationalize the accumulation of fears
and the dreams that draw a song in pursuit of the end of time
and the grace that illuminates the path
if i let you down
if i let you down

in the night the city's quiet
from the rooftop we can see the moon rise high above the clouds
just enough light to see our faces give expression to the words we thought but didn't speak
and then you asked me a question that i won't forget
even if i spend my life trying to live up to what it means
if i let you down
if i let you down

don't let it break down
don't let it break down

Late Blues ~ ida (2008)

After Dinner

Elena: Mommy? Why do we say, "May I be Ets-stused?"
Emily: Well, that's what we say when we're polite.
Rohan: That's what fancy people say, and eventually, I will become fancy.
Emily: Rohan, you're adorable.
Elena: Rohan, someday a hot durl is dowing to marry you!

I am the Rain King

Wow...I'm worn out, but I thank God for the energy I seem to have in reserve. I've been so happy that I've been able to squeeze in workouts the last two nights. Hopefully I can keep it up. With the chiropractic and massage visits a couple times a week, the hip is starting to come around enough that I've been able to do these workouts. Not to dismiss all of the stretching and heat and cold treatments that I do about three times a day. We'll see what happens Friday. I'm supposed to go skate and hit a couple local skateparks with my old friend, Kevin Bearden before we run up to St. Louis to see the Counting Crows. We haven't hung out together in almost twenty years. I'm really excited about seeing them, because it will be my first time. Yeah, I know. Actually, Kevin and some other friends camped out for tickets back in '92 or '93, and for some reason I skipped out on the whole deal. Finally, after all these years I'm going to make up for it. What's funny is that the last time that I went skating with Kevin and my buddies and then went to see a concert was when we saw Poison in Cape Girardeu in '90. Brittney Fox opened. Rich, huh? Let's see...then the Fourth is the next day with some grilling out. Then I'm singing at church on Sunday, so I won't be screaming Friday night along with the masses under the Arch. Hopefully my body will stay together so I can start painting trim next week.

The cuteness of Elena continues...

I'm in the dining room working on some tabs, and Elena comes in and says that she's "humbry." As much as I love that word, I correct her and ask her to politely ask for something to eat. I then get her a Lunchable out of the fridge, unpack it, and hand it to her. She asks, "Am I going to eat this in the living room?" I say, "Sure, just be careful." She then smiles and roles her eyes and replies, "This is going to be sooooo insane!"

Another Elena-ism

Elena: Daddy do you want to see what I drawed?

Daddy: Sure.

Elena: See?!

Daddy: Oh! That's wonderful!

Elena: Do you want to see what Allie drawed!

Daddy: Sure.

Elena: See?!

Daddy: That's great! Hey, do you know how we say that? We say, "drew." So, I draw my picture, but I drew it yesterday. So, see what I can draw? See what I just drew? So, can you say drew? Say drew.

Elena: Drooled!

Daddy: Umm...yeah, good job.

Summer Is Here

I know if I told a story about finding a penny, someone could tell one about finding a quarter, but for me, the penny is enough. Having said that, our summer is shaping up to be quite busy, and I'm hoping that we can find a groove and settle into it.

Rohan and Elena start tennis tomorrow which lasts until late July. Elena's age group starts at 8 a.m. and goes until 10 a.m., which is when Rohan's begins and his goes until noon. The question that I have, which will be answered tomorrow, is will I be able to take Rohan early and can Elena stay late? The latter I seriously doubt. I can't imagine someone being there to supervise four year olds away from the lessons.

Rohan also begins baseball camp tomorrow. He has to register at the same time Elena is registering. I just informed Emily that there's no way I can be in two places at the same time. I think she agreed to take Elena, and then turned off her nightstand light and rolled over. His baseball camp only lasts for three days though. Also, Allie starts a three day pom-pon clinic this week, which I think may go from 1 until 4 p.m. That shouldn't be too bad. Rohan has a couple games this week as well, but of course they're in the evening. It's crazy to think that his season is almost at the halfway make. Only about three more weeks I think.

The craziness will set in next week when my classes begin. I have to leave soon after 10 a.m. to be able to get to Carbondale and make it into class by 11 a.m. My last of two classes lets out by 1 p.m., so that at least isn't too bad. However, I'll be depending on my dad to get the kids back and forth to whatever they're doing. During that week, Rohan starts a four day basketball camp. Just like the baseball camp, it ends when he's supposed to be starting his tennis session. We'll just have to see how my dad holds up to the pressure.

On top of all of this, Rohan has started going to Hit Repair for pitching and hitting instruction from Cory Baily and Bob Simpson. It's only once a week and so far he loves it. He's got a heck of a lot more confidence than I did as a child. As long as he likes what he's doing, we're all for it.

Allie will only have one more pom camp later in July, which will be an all day affair for one week. So in comparison, her summer load is pretty light. If only she were sixteen and had a license, she could be running some of the kids around. Ah, but day will come, and probably too soon.

Through all of this, Emily is starting up classes too, as well as still working crazy hours. I only pray that she continues to keep her sanity as I try to keep mine. I think we're going to live for the first two weeks in August, when neither of us have classes and the kids won't be doing anything. Maybe we can all go on a family getaway for one weekend.

Somewhere in all of that we need to fit in potty training, VBS, getting the house repaired, getting Elena back into violin lessons, and plain living. Hmm. It's all relative I guess. Next summer will be busier, I suppose, and the next even moreso, and so on. I do hope that I'm never too busy to stop and reflect on how blessed we are. It is all so very wonderful.

Bathtime: as Heard from My Bed

Elena: “Oh, Mom!”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Elena: “Oh, Mom!”
Em: “What honey!”
Elena: “Oh, I fordot to pee adin!”
Em: “Well, that’s okay…”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “It looks like your brother did too…”
Riddick: “O’no!”
Elena: “OOOOO!”
Em: “Don’t worry about it”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “I’ha!”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What’s hot?”
Riddick: “I’ha!”
Em: “Yes, the water’s hot…”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What honey?!”
Elena: “His butt!”
Riddick: “Mim!”
Em: “What?”
Riddick: “Poop tum out?”
Em: “Yes, that’s where your poop comes out but you don’t want to touch it, you just need to wash it.”
Riddick: “Poop tum out!”
Em: “Get your finger out of your butt!”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “Here…”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What? Hey! Leave your pee-pee alone!”
Elena: “OOOOOO! He peed!”
Em: “He did not pee!”
Elena: “OOOOOO!”
Em: “He peed when he got in like you did!”
Riddick: “Boohoohoohoo!”
Em: “Hang on! You’re almost done!”
Elena: “Mom.”
Riddick: “BWAAAAAH!”
Em: “What?”
Elena: “Look!”
Em: “Uh, huh.”
Elena: “I did it myself!”
Em: “Mmm-hmm.”
Riddick: “Mim!!!”
Em: “What, honey?”
Riddick: “No-nut!”
Em: “Yes, that’s a donut.”
Riddick: “No-nut!”
Em: “Alright, you’re done. Come on, let’s go see your dad…Elena, please stop!”
Elena: “Am I all clean?”
Em: “No, you still have to wash your hair.”
Riddick:”H-d-d-d-d-d…”
Em: “Here….here’s your Dad.”
Riddick: “Dahdeee!”
Me: “Hi, Riddick!”
Riddick: “Aaahhssheeewwww!”
Me: “Thanks for sneezing on me Riddick.”
Riddick: “Dahdeeee!”
Me: “What Riddick?”
Riddick: “Dah boo boo?”
Me: “No, that’s my belly button.”
Elena: “Mom!”
Em: “What Elena?”
Elena: “I’m washing my pony’s hair.”
Riddick: “Dah boo boo?”
Me: “No honey, that’s my belly button.”
Riddick: “Oh. Dah baby?”
Me: “Ah, no.”
Riddick: “Dah baby!”
Me: “Ah, yes…that my booby.”
Elena: “Mom! I dot a red butt!”
Em: “No, you’re fine.”
Riddick: “Wobwobwobwobwob” (with a toy cup placed to his mouth)
Em: “Alright, that’s it”
Elena: “NOOOO!”
Riddick: “Wobwobwobwobwob”
Em: “Come on”
Elena: “NOOOO! I forgot to wash her hair!”
Em: “It’ll be fine.”
Elena: “No it won’t be fine!”
Em: “Come on.”
Elena: “No it won’t be fine!”
Em: “Do we yell like that?”
Elena: “AAAA!”
Em: “Come on.”
Elena: “AAAAA!”
Em: “Let’s go.”
Elena: “Mom.”
Em: “What?”
Elena: “I dot duh wahder in my mouth and I spit it out!”
Em: “Well, we don’t spit water on the floor.”
Elena: “But dat’s duh spit take!”
Em: “Well, we don’t do that.”
Elena: “But I, Tarly does it!”
Em: “Well, we don’t. Now let’s go to bed.”
Elena: “Rot an Roll!!!”

JOURNAL ENTRY 04/28/09 - Thirty-Five and Going to School

Sometimes I write things on my laptop when on occasion I don't have my journal with me. I just came across this tonight, as I was cleaning up some directories. It's pretty recent and meaningful to me personally, so I thought I'd go ahead and post it here.

I was at the point of utter exhaustion. I had not slept the night before and had only three hours from the night before that. My limbs did not feel as though they were my own. As I sat down just minutes before, a feeling of extreme sadness came over me. I thought, “I have been to this library dozens of times, but now it is ruined because I brought my children here just once. For now as I sit here alone, I realize that I do not hear my children’s laughter. In such a state I reluctantly opened my backpack to retrieve two binders that were returned to me about half an hour before by my instructor. One was my resource file, and the other was my book summaries. I slowly opened my resource file first, looking for a foreign article of paper that would show my grade to me. It was red, and on it was written the letter A. This came as a pleasant surprise. At least it would in some way counter the dismal grade I would receive for my book summaries. I then very carefully opened the second binder. Taped to the inside cover was the page with the genre matrix. On it was written the letter A in red ink in a red cloud. I missed two out of one hundred and sixty, which calculated to ninety-nine percent. My instructor wrote, “Well organized! You have created a great resource for your classroom! Your well written summaries & varied activities will make this a priceless tool in your class! =)” Attached was a red certificate with a squirrel smiling beside an apple which read, “The BIG RED APPLE DIPLOMA is presented to Derek Cook”, dated and signed. I began to shake with sobs starting to gestate deep within me. I covered my mouth to suppress any sound that might try to be birthed. I controlled myself and looked through the window on my left and out at the exterior window in the lobby, covered in millions of droplets of rain. It was such a wet day, and I was exhausted. I really missed my babies.

Riddick Has Shed the Penguin!

Today was a much better day for Riddick, praise the Lord! He is not on oxygen anymore and is doing very well for a two-year-old that has basically laid in the same position for over 36 hours. He ate a little more today than he did yesterday, but that really isn't saying much considering how little he ate. However, Emily is not worried about it, so I trust her judgement. Really, the only problem he had all day, or so it seemed during my watches, was that he constantly crimped his IV by accident. This would set off a beeping alarm that had to be reset by staff. This got old after a while, but other than the slight annoyance, it did him no harm. Finally, when Emily arrived this evening she redid the way it ran up his arm and fixed the problem. Elena got to spend the morning with him before we went to her pre-K to kindergarten celebration, and then she along with Allie and Rohan got to watch a movie with him this evening before we left. We didn't make a big deal out of goodbyes and just quietly left the room. I talked to Emily this evening, and she said that she had given him a bath, and he was happily playing with toys. She wanted to spend the night with him again, and I know that at the end of the day, it's the mommy that matters most. We're really optimistic that he will be able to come home tomorrow, and I can't wait to see him run around the house again.

I do want to thank everyone for all of the prayers, the visits, the well wishes, and gifts for Riddick. They have meant a lot to us, and you've made his stay away from home much more comfortable than you'll ever know. We love all of you, and God bless!

Riddick in the Hospital

I hated leaving Riddick tonight. Emily is with him, but he is still too young to understand why he has to stay there, and why his Daddy, brother and sisters left him. He hates having his oxygen mask on, so that is the real reason why he worked himself up into a crying fit. Then we had to leave, because I needed to get the other kids home to do homework and go to bed. That's when he started calling my name and reaching for me. I picked him up, and I guess he thought he was going to go with us, because he started to tug at his IV. Emily took him and sat back down on the bed. Then he started calling for Allie and Rohan. He was just screaming. It was heart-wrenching to leave. I hate it. It'll be my turn to stay tomorrow night if he has to stay another night. I pray that he doesn't and that he gets to come home. At least they have officially diagnosed this as an asthma attack, so he can start being treated. For the last year he has had these attacks almost every five to six weeks, and they either say that it's seasonal allergies or pneumonia. Now he'll begin to use a steroid inhaler to hopefully stave off these episodes. I just pray that he gets some sleep tonight and that his O2 levels return to normal.

The Storm

Things are finally getting back to normal around our house after dealing with the storm that was oddly tagged an inland hurricane, or derecho storm, depending on which side of the proverbial storm fence you're sitting on. There were gusts of wind with speeds of over 100 mph recorded, and the wind was sustained for well over half an hour. It's hard to find official reports, but those figures are conservatively based on what I've been reading online through blogs and local news agencies. In other words, a lot of wind for a long amount of time causing a lot of damage.

When the storm hit, Emily was at JALC, Rohan and Allie were at school, and I was home with Elena and Riddick. When the first part of the system came through, the storm sirens went off a couple of times, but like most storms that pass through, it's kind of like the boy who cried wolf. I think a lot of us that remember the tornado from '82 almost feel rather indifferent to storms in general, like we've been there and done that. So, after listening to some reports on W3D, and after the sirens ceased, I decided to put Riddick down for a nap. I also crashed for a short nap while Elena watched a movie. I awoke a short time later to the sounds of wind moreso than any sirens. Come to think of it, I have no recollection of any more sirens. All I could hear was wind. The door to our sleeper porch was open, and I could see the tops of all of the trees just flapping violently about like you see in hurricane video clips. Then I saw a very large branch fly through the air in perfect horizontal plane. That's when I new that things were definitely much worse than I had presumed. I quickly put on my sandals, and shouted for Elena to go the basement. She didn't really like the idea, because it was dark. I don't think it had registered with me yet that there was no power. I was still just aware of the sound of wind everywhere. Now mind you, I had no idea that this was a constant wave of wind. Around here the worst case scenario is a tornado, so that is what I thought was happening. I grabbed Riddick from his bed (which shocked the poor guy, because he was in a deep sleep), ran downstairs, and rushed the two kids down to the basement. I quickly opened up some lawn chairs for the kids to sit in and told them to sit tight while I ran back upstairs to get some stuff.

I knew that if things got really bad, as in our house being hit by a tornado, I wanted to be in pants and work boots and not shorts and sandals. For all I knew, I might have had to tear through wreckage to get my children out alive. I ran upstairs and stopped in the kitchen to look out of our breakfast nook windows just to see if I could see anything. I noticed that our neighbor's trellis had blown over across our sidewalk near our garage. I was just thinking about how that was a shame when our white vinyl fence panel exploded and disappeared. I didn't realize that I had just witnessed our neighbor Dale's tree coming down. I was certain that that was it --a tornado was upon us. I sprinted up the stairs, grabbed some jeans and my boots, and bolted back to the basement. I dropped the clothes to the floor, picked up my kids, sat down with them on my lap, and started praying out loud. I'm not for sure how much time passed before I decided to go check things out...probably about fifteen or twenty minutes, at least. Once again, I sat the kids in their chairs and then went upstairs to observe what might be seen. It wasn't long before I discovered that Dale's tree had fallen parallel with our house, blocking our back door. I also found that that our tree to the east had fallen against our neighbor Steve's house. I then ran up to my room to get a bird's eye view of what had happened, and like every idiot out there, I grabbed my camera. I filmed a very short video clip in which you can tell that my emotions were somewhat frazzled. Viewing it now, it seems a little cheesy, but at the time I wasn't much worried about how I sounded. I still didn't know what had just hit us, but I knew that we were still still alive, praise God. After my quick filming, I ran back to the basement and brought the kids up to the living room as things outside seemed to be settling down.

I guess pretty soon thereafter, since the windows were open I was aware that all of the neighbors had started to come out of their houses. I had been trying to call Emily and my parents, but the netword was dead. I went out front and got a good look at some of the damage down the street. There were trees down in almost every yard. Soon, Emily arrived with Allie and told me that I would have to walk to Washington School to get Rohan because there were trees and power lines down, preventing auto traffic from getting to the school. After I brought Rohan home I walked around outside for a bit taking pictures for insurance sake, not really knowing what would be needed. I found that that when Dale's tree came down, it blew through the vinyl fence, punched a hole in our roof above the sleeper porch, smashed some guttering, tore down our power service, smashed our vinyl patio fence, put some hurt on our gas grill, and busted through some lattice underneath our breakfast nook. Other than that, a window in Elena and Riddick's room broke, and some soffit and guttering came down. It all could have been much, much worse. After we got the kids settled down, I really wanted to get a way to the back door cleared, so with the cell network back up and running, I called my dad and asked him to bring over his chainsaw. While I waited for him to run the labyrinth of downed trees and closed streets, I was recruited to board up a second storey window of a neighbor who was out of town. After that job was finished, my dad had already gotten to our house, so I started in on the tree. Emily's dad showed up with a chainsaw as well and joined me in work. A little bit later, our neighbors, the Johnsons, came over and helped remove the refuse as we were cutting. Soon, we had the tree cut down to the main trunk which was across our sidewalk. What really saddens me is that it was a beautiful tulip tree, and we'll sorely miss it.

After the storm we were without power for six evenings. It was a test of mild inovations, but a healthy exercise in modern day domestic survival to be sure. Looking back, I'm rather ashamed at all of the modern conveniences that we find ourselves dependent upon, even if we're talking about hot water. For our part, we were fortunate that the gas grill was still operable, as the hood was just dented and cracked from the downed tree. We used it to cook all of our meals and to boil water on the side burner for baths. We used oil lanterns and candles for lighting at night. In the beginning, we iced most of our food down in a cooler, and also had some bags of ice thrown in the fridge and freezer for damage control. Later, after Dale's power came back on, we ran an extension cord from his house to the fridge. All in all, we lost about half of our food, so again it could have been a lot worse. Also, I had interent access through my cell phone. Our days and evenings with the kids were spent either cleaning the yard, or reading and playing board games. On that note, I will say that Rohan is the luckiest person I have ever played Monopoly against. For the record: It wasn't that much fun. I almost felt like B.B. Thorton playing the Kid in a game of checkers in Bad Santa. Also, the children lamented having to hand wash dishes, and course we felt no sympathy toward their plight. It was one of those character building moments that we parents are so fond of orchestrating. I'll admit that our patience was wearing thin by the time we finally had our power restored. We were one of the last in our neighborhood, because the rigid conduit had actually been ripped from the meter base. The power company had our line reconnected to the house the day after the storm, but it was several more days before the electrician could repair the damage on our end. Then we had to wait for the power company to come back and make the connection. I think it was the most annoying when we were still using oil lamps while the neighbors across the alley were throwing a party with loud music.

It's been a lot of work, but we were very blessed that our house was spared any major damage. I went down to New Orleans with a group from our church to help a family rebuild their home after Katrina, so I've witnessed catastrophic storm damage, and ours didn't even come close. Yet, there are some in southern Illinois that did lose their homes. My dad told me a story tonight of driving past the remains of a house trailer, seeing a guy sitting in a chair in what remained of his living room, surrounded by his possessions, just staring at the floor. So yeah, we were very blessed and fortunate. I took cold showers, ate a lot of hot dogs, burgers, and brats, suffered through pummelings from Rohan the Monopoly tycoon, got a wretched sore back from hauling tree refuse to the street, and got a ton of sleep. It wasn't much different than camping. Very, very, very fortunate indeed.

Our pwr bills would be a lot less if we went dark ages more often. Food can hold in the fridge 4 48 hrs; evry othr day hit the main beaker & pwr bill cut n hlf.

I was in the kitchen digging around for ice in the cooler when Elena joined me and said, "We can't see the ice cubes because of the darkness, right daddy?"

The rain is definitely coming down hard outside. We have our door open to the sleeper porch which makes it all the more enjoyable. I love weather like this at night. However, our tropical rain forest out back doesn't need any more encouragement. It's already going to be a nightmare trying to mow it.

On another note, my last final exam was today. It was just early world civ, so it was all short essay stuff about the roll of religion in early empires as means of control of society and its impact on cultural diffusion. I also finished tweaking my el ed gateway portfolio on LiveText tonight. I'm not really for sure about term deadlines for the artifacts, but I thought I might as well spruce it up before the week was out.

I'm just thrilled that I have the next four weeks off to get our house back in order. Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to get as far as paint the breakfast nook and touch up battle scars around the rest of the house where mayhem has left its mark. We've also got soffit falling down in a couple of areas and birds have alread moved in. I'm going to have to do some evicting.

Speak of which --Joe's uncle, who is in charge of Joe's grandmother's house, had sent word via Joe's mom that we had to move our stuff out of the basement. No good reason really. There was a pending sale that fell though, due to failed home inspection, so Joe thinks that he is just venting his frustrations out on us. Thus ends our run at possibly the nicest rehearsal space that we've been privey to. We knew it would only be a matter of time, but it couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time. I had cancelled all practices for the last several weeks, since the end of the semester proved to be quite heavy in its work load, so we were looking forward to getting some quality session time in during this four week intersession. And now we're dead in the water. It's just one of those things that will eventually work itself out. A solution always presents itself --it's just that last time it took almost four years.

Wow it's really raining hard outside.

I'm going to go to bed.

Elena, Baby Slimers, and Sliders

So I was walking through the kitchen to the breakfast nook with some freshly nuked White Castle burgers. I know that sounds extremely healthy and appetizing, but they're the first I've bought at the super market in almost two years --guilty pleasure, and since I know how nasty they are for my consitution and overall well-being, I'm very much aware when I bought them last. Anyway, Elena came walking along with Rohan's "The Big Book of Reptiles" with the dust jacket dragging, as I swear the book is almost as big as she is.

She said, "Daddy, there are some baby ones in here and they are soooo cute!"

"Baby what?" I asked.

"These lizaaaards in heeeere! Duh?!" she replied as she rolled her eyes at me.

I picked up the book as I sat my White Castles on the table. I looked at the picture and it looked like an earthworm with a little head and two small appendages protruding from the neck area...that is, if it had a neck area.

"This thing?" I asked. "That's disgusting!"

"No it's not! It's just a baby and it's super cute!"

I looked at her and wondered what type of "-ologist" worked with amphibians, because they needed to petition my four-year-old to join their ranks. Imagine the grant money they could procure with her charm?

She pulled the book away from me and held it sideways, like a navy crewman admiring a new pin-up during The Big One, and squealed, "You are so, so cute!!!" Then she gave me a sidelong look, glanced over at my three-hundred calorie gut bombs and said, "We need that one thing that Rohan likes on t.v. to make sliders."

"The what?" I asked, because even though I do my best to decipher everything that comes out of my children's mouths, I am sometimes outmatched by their superior cultural lexicon.

"The sliders, Dad!"

"You mean this sandwich?"

"No! The pan!"

"Oh. Oh yeaaah! The thing that makes, umm...sliders. Sure, I get it. Yeah. I mean, no. No, we don't need that."

Elena rolled her eyes again, shook her head, smiled once more at the mini-God Emperor of Dune, and walked out of the room. I sat for a second in her wake, then whistled for Max. His promptness was rewarded with White Castles. Then I ate some Yoplait --Blackberry Pomegranate to be exact.

Rather insignificant day.

Went to my niece's birthday party. It was nice to see some of Em's family and some friends, since we really don't get out much. Someone blew up a lot of balloons for the kids to beat each other with. That got kind of loud. VH1 Classic was playing a one hit wonders show. Midnight Oil a one hit wonder? I didn't really agree with that one.

Riddick's allergies are getting the best of him. His eyes are always so swollen, and he coughs incessantly. I'm amazed he didn't lurch all over the place during dinner tonight.

Grocery shopped, so I'm stocked up on yogurt once again. I was starting to run low, so panic was soon to set in. :0

Allie made the jr. high pom-pon squad. She found out on Thursday night. She's still on cloud 9 and has been stretching and dancing around to music in her head ever since. We're so happy for her. I don't know how she would have dealt with another rejection.

I can hear Emily watching L&O: CI.

Working on some shows for the late summer and early fall. Even some acoustic ones coming up. We need to get the rehearsal space situation squared away, so we can start working again.

Finals week is here. Once they're out of the way, and hopefully if it dries up (someday) I'm going to get back to skating. It's been several weeks. The workload at the end of this semester has been grueling. I think I did three all-nighters, and a great many nights where I only got a couple of hours of sleep. I'm really not built for that at 35.

Darn that VH1. I can't get "Come on Eileen" out of my head.

I'm going to start transferring my MySpace blogs from the past couple of years just for the hey of it. Dinner is almost ready, the kids are going crazy with the dogs, so I'm not getting much work done anyway.

I haven't blogged in years, but I thought I'd start it back up. I actually keep a journal, mainly because I think there is still something to be said about a person's handwriting. So within the binding of my journals will always be words that only my children will read someday after I'm gone. For the rest of the world there is this.

So tonight, or rather last night, as it is now after one in the morning. Elena is spending the night with her cousin Sydney. It is the first time she has ever been away from Riddick, and he was not very happy about. The poor little guy was still asking about "Nonni" when he went to bed, as they sleep in bunk beds together. Like most every night, he'll come into our room around three, so I guess I need to get to bed so I get some sleep without little feet kicking me.

Summer so far...

My summer semester is half-way finished. It wraps up on the 31st, then we have two weeks off. Every evening is full of homework, but I'm pretty accustomed to it now. It all seems to be flying by really. I should finish JALC in the fall and be at SIU in the spring. Woohoo!

My swimming in the morning is getting better. When I first started four weeks ago, I almost died after 3 laps. I'm up to 14 laps now and will probably keep it up even after the summer term is over. Why stop?

Saw Tom Waits with Corey R Robertson two weeks ago at the Fabulous Fox Theater in St. Louis. Waits is just incredible and I'm very satisfied after finally seeing him. It all would have not been possible had Corey actually received a confirmation email in a timely fashion when he ordered his first ticket.

Emily starts LPN school this fall. We're pretty excited. Another step forward!

We go on our first family vacation since 2001 this coming Friday! It's nothing big; just a St. Louis weekend excursion, but the kids will have a blast. Six Flags, the Arch, the Zoo, etc. Elena and Riddick have never been to any of them, so I can't wait to take a million pictures!

Our van got pulverized...sitting in our own driveway! Our neighbor backed a U-Haul box truck into the back of the van, crunching in the rear door. It won't close now, so I'm pretty pleased. She's supposed to contact her insurance company tomorrow. Yeah...first vacation in seven years, and we won't be able to take our van. The insurance company better front something compatable. There's six of us you know.

I passed the first part of my praxis exams, the basic skills test. Never before in my life have I aced any sort of standardized test, and I got a perfect score on my language arts section! It's almost as exciting as when I won a pair of Donkey Kong shoe laces from DK cereal when I was a kid!

I'm singing the National Anthem at the Miner's game this coming Sunday, July 13 at 2:00 p.m. at Rent One Ballpark here in Marion. I had a lot of fun doing it last year, and it's a privilege to do it once again. Emily will also be singing the anthem on Saturday, August 2 at 7:00 p.m.

Vacation Bible School is upon us. Is it already that time of year?! We're not going to be able to help out this year, so our hats are off to all of the volunteers that will be taking care of our kids!

I put up some pictures of a great Sunday afternoon at Dick and Francine Sander's house. They are such wonderful people that treat our children like their own grandchildren, and our children love them as such. For me, an afternoon at their house might as well be a vacation, since I get to relax so much ---and it's only ten miles from our house! Rohan got to finally fish with the fishing pole that our friend Larry Wheeler bought for him. And Elena caught her first fish as well!

My sister is getting married in Louisville, KY on the weekend of Rohan's and my birthday. The great John Maragni is going out there as well to help me do music during the ceremony. It should be a pretty fun weekend.

I've been invited to go to a IEA Student Program leadership training course at the end of the month in Bloomington. I'm pretty excited about that as it will help me to achieve more in my short time as president of our chapter at JALC before leaving to go to SIU. As DG sang, "Everything counts in small amounts!"

I have no idea with all that is happening when we are going to schedule a birthday party for Rohan! Like recent years, he wants to have a slumber party, but the weekends are all full. He'll be crushed if we don't have one. I've said it before: great planning Larissa!

We took Rohan to go see Modest Mouse at the Pageant in St. Louis this past Tuesday. My awesome friend Scott, who is basicially part of our family, got to go up with us. It was Rohan's first rock concert and it was a blast. He got to stand on the edge of the under 21 area which is raised above the floor, so he had an awesome view of the band which was only about twenty feet away. He definitely wasn't ready for how loud it was. We also got to watch the show with our great cousin Alex and his girfriend Amber and their friends.

Our landscaping project continues at our house. We've ripped out so much, and put down fabric, it's really coming together. However, it's taking so much time, of which we really don't have, and even as much as we're planting I don't think that it will really come together until next spring. But it's fun playing in the dirt for now!

I'm finally semi-retired from building! Our final project which was a house that we built for Emily's cousin and her husband is finally completed. I had sub-contracted the siding to another group, and they really drug their feet on the project until the home-owner fired them, so I had to finish it recently. I've been around building all of my life. I used to spend my summers as a child in my dad's wood shop at Crab Orchard High School when he would build cabinets. I started working for him during summer vacation beginning when I was thirteen. I worked on and off for him throughout the next ten years, especially after I got out of high school, honing in on my craft. For the past thirteen years I've slowly gone over to managing the business, although both of us still have always worked along-side eachother on the job site. I've had a lot of great memories, and it's kind of sad reaching this turning point in my life, but it's for the best. I can honestly say that I'm very proud of everything that my dad has taught me, and I'm proud of every house that we ever built.

Elena is taking violin lessons from our good friend Deavyn. You should see it: she's so small and the violin is just a small ---it's just too much. She's so proud of knowing how to take the violin out of it's case and how to rosin her bow. And I'm proud of her! I need to get some pictures up.

Rohan's ball season is already over! He had three rain-outs, so really there weren't that many games. There is supposed to be a fall league for his age-group, so we'll see what happens. All in all he had a great time. His team wasn't that great, but he really improved from last year. He only struck out twice; his best hit was a triple; he got a lot of experience playing second base; and he even caught a pop-fly!

We got to see Ryan and Erin for a bit this past Thursday. We had a great time messing around in the back yard for little time we had with them. We were supposed to meet her family yesterday, but of course the van was killed on Friday.

Big thanks to Jeremy and Sara Johnson for a great time on The Fourth! They fed all of us and all of Emily's family. A great chore for sure. We love their family and wish we could do more with them! We also watched the Marion K.C. Hall fireworks with them and Emily's sister Kendra and her family in a car wash parking lot with an easy escape route to avoid traffic jams. Ha!

Through Dint of Heavy Wishing practice is going great! And yes, there is new material that will be recorded soon. We cannot wait to begin playing out again! Our first show back will be Friday, August 15 at John Brown's on the Square in Marion. Go check out the Heavy Wishing page for more details, and add us as a friend for crying out loud!

Once

We bought a lot of movies tonight, because that is something that we love to do. One of the movies was "Once". What can I say? It’s an absolutely beautiful and brilliant movie. If you’ve ever loved music, because music is all you’ve ever had at any point in your life, and if you’ve ever loved, because that love was something that you could never have...then you’ll get this movie. If not, don’t waste your time. I’m going to go play guitar in the dining room now...because it’s almost midnight, and it’s finally quiet here.

Love,

Derek

Early Morning Gutter Twins

Emily and I made it up to Chicago two weeks ago in a whirlwind trip to see a late night Gutter Twins show. We left around 4:45 in the late afternoon and got to my brother’s place off of Division around 9:30. A rather eventless trip, which cannot be complained about. I will say there was a gas stop North of Champaign that I remember quite well, because of a wind chill that almost stripped the flesh off of my face. However, besides that, like I said, the trip was rather eventless.

We settled in to Ryan and Erin’s place, had some drinks, and checked out a bunch of videos on YouTube. Anything that we could find that was relevant to the evening. Mark Lanegan interviews, old Screaming Trees performances, Afghan Whigs and Twilight Singer stuff...you get the picture. I was pretty stoked about seeing Lanegan, as I had never seen him live before. Ryan saw him with Dulli and the Twilight Singers the last time they were in Chicago, and said his performance (or lack of) was a curiosity to behold.

Close to 10:30, Ryan called a cab, and soon we were on our way to the Metro. I lamented not having enough time or money to make it a true rock evening, because I had only the week before found out that Bob Mould was playing a show with two other bands at the same venue at 7:00. Like my friend Corey said, "Can you imagine all of the rock history in that building on just that one night?!?!" Simply mind-blowing.

Doors weren’t supposed to open for the late show until 11:00. We arrived around 10:40 and found a line that stretched down Clark St. to the end of the block and back up another street. I should point out that none of us were wearing coats, because we were unsure of any coat check, and that it was a wind chill of six degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, pretty warm. Oh yeah, and it was snowing. I haven’t been that cold in a long time, and I’m usually pretty good in situations like that.

Moving right along, when we finally got into the building, tickets scanned, and into the main room, the realization hit me that I hadn’t been to the Metro since ’92. In my mind the place was a lot bigger than it really was, but of course I had also experienced it through the eyes of a 19 year old newbie musician on stage. The place had barely start to fill up, so we got an excellent position a free-throw away from the stage, front and center.

The first band was called Great Northern, and they had driven to Chicago, straight from L.A., for thirty-seven hours. That’s some hard-core travelling. They were a four-piece consisting of a female lead on vox and keys, then a bassist, guitarist, and drummer. The lead singer and guitarist also each played tambourine and would on occasion double up on a floor tom for emphasizing some parts. I thought that was pretty cool, although I think it was more for visual effect than anything else: the lead singer was doing this on the first song when the drummer’s right hand was idle, so you get my point. All in all, I was happy that they didn’t suck. That happens a lot with opening acts. Yet, not only did they not suck, they were actually quite good. Wonderfully strong vocals from the lead and the guitarist. His vocal were almost in her range, with almost the same tone. I hate to make comparisons, because I’ve always felt I was victim to some really bad ones, but if I had to I would say she sounded like a cross between Tori Amos and Aimee Mann. That’s the best that I can come up with. Altogether a great full sound, nice breezy pop songs, with good chords and earnest feeling. I think they did about a half hour set, or maybe a little longer.

There was about a thirty minute long set change, which was a little too long for me, but what are you going to do? The band proper came out, and then Dulli and Lanegan followed after a good dozen or so bars had been played in the first song "The Stations". Of course, the place went absolutely crazy as soon as Lanegan’s growling voice engulfed the room. And wow, what an incredible sounding room it was. It was so round and full. My brother was right though: Lanegan does nothing but stand in front of the mic stand with his eyes closed. If he opens them, it’s usually between songs and he’s staring at the floor beside him. He’s got such a mystique about him though, it affords him the privilege as a performer to get away with being so non-involved in an outwardly physical way.

Then there’s Greg Dulli. Come on ---do I really need to say anything about this showman? You’re always on the edge just wondering what’s going to come out of this man’s mouth in between songs. His carthotic screams leading in and out of crescendo phrases were dead on. As usual, Dulli delivered all of the goods that we came to see and made the trip worth it.

Besides Lanegan and Dulli on guitar, piano, and organ, there were four other players. Ryan said that the keyboardist/guitarist was part of the Twilight Singers, and had even opened the show for them when they were in town previously. The drummer was someone I didn’t know, as well as the bassist. The lead guitarist was also from the Twilight Singers.

I wish I was more familiar with Saturnalia, but it was only released several days before the show, and to the best of my knowledge didn’t make it to iTunes until after that weekend. I listened to it stream several times on their MySpace page the Monday prior to the show, but was doing school work, so I didn’t really "know" it. I’ve since downloaded it from iTunes.

We probably made it back to my brother’s place sometime after three, and hung out until about four, eating frozen pizza and watching a Pixies DVD. Somehow we were up by 10 and on the road by 11:30. I actually went to Chicago for 15 minutes last year around this time, so this trip wasn’t so bad. I got to see Ryan and Erin, some great music...and even enjoy a quiet breakfast on the way home at an IHOP with Emily. What more can you ask for?

Here is their set list that I found HERE

Setlist:
The Stations
God’s Children
All Misery/Flowers
Live With Me
7 Stories Underground
Idle Hands
Circle The Fringes
Bête Noire
Down the Line
I Was in Love With You
Each to Each
Front Street

Encore
I’m Ready
River Rise
Papillion-Shadow of the Season
No Easy Action
King Only
Methamphetamine Blues
Number Nine

R.I.P. Heath Ledger

This really bummed me out. I've liked Heath's work ever since the Fox network's Roar, back in the late 90's, and had been totally stoked about his upcoming portrayal of the Joker in the Dark Knight. In more ways than one, this echoes Michael Hutchence. Very sad.

If I May Boast

In the last eight weeks I have gone from weighing 187 lbs to 162 lbs. I didn't really set out to lose 25 lbs...it just seemed to coincide with changing the way I eat and starting an every other day workout program. I never really thought I'd look "thin" again. I guess I'm posting this as incentive to myself to keep the weight off, lest I fall off of the wagon. I do love melted cheese you know...

Radiohead's "In Rainbows"

Jef from Himalayas sent out a bulletin recently pushing Radiohead's newest effort "In Rainbows". I was just talking to my great friend Corey the other night on the phone about this release. We both agreed that we probably only listened to "Hail to the Thief" a handful of times, if that, and might each grab a copy of this latest release just because it was Radiohead, even though neither of us were excited about it. Jef has set me straight. For a limited time, Radiohead is offering this gem on their website for whatever you the consumer wishes to pay for it, even if you want it for free. I chose the deadbeat option and downloaded it for the hey of it. Now, after listening to it several times, and having fallen for it, I'm going to shelve out the bucks to get the real thing, in which they are offering on their website as well with a 12" vinyl, a second disc with some more new tunes, and some artwork. Go check it all out at their MyS page.

Faster Painted Pussycat

I had just finished painting the floor of our sleeper porch that is right off of our bedroom. I put up a baby gate to keep our dog out of the wet paint, because he had been nosing around trying to figure out what I was doing. I then grabbed a bite to eat down in the breakfast nook when Emily came in from some errands. She asked if I had the room shut off upstairs, and I told her about the gate. She asked if I thought that was really going to keep the cat out. Without comment or question I took off running, bounded up the stairs, ran though our room, and looked upon my freshly painted floor with horror. Apparently the cat had indeed jumped the gate, freaked out upon hitting the wet floor, flailed around a bit, and then jumped back into our bedroom. The painted floor was an absolute mess that would have to be quickly redone in front of the door if it was to be salvaged at all. She had then tracked paint through our bedroom, down the hall, down the stairs, down a second hall, through the kitchen, into the butler's pantry, and onto the shelf where her food is kept where it looked like she performed a number from River Dance. I've tried to kill her, but she's too fast. So it goes.

My friend Corey told me tonight that music mogul Tony Wilson of Factory Records and founder of The Hacienda club passed away last Friday after a long battle with kidney cancer. This guy was so influecial to the Manchester scene. He signed such acts as Joy Division, New Order, and the Happy Mondays. If you get a chance, rent 24 Hour Party People, which is about his life. Here's a blog with more info.

Ida will be playing @ Schuba's on Monday the 27th of this month. Tickets are only ten bucks. The last time I was able to see them was in Champaign in '99 on an acoustic tour and they were simply amazing. Their music is absolutely beautiful. They have several albums available on iTunes if you want to sample their wares. Anyway, they rarely make it to this area, so this is a must see show! Emily and I have to find someone to watch the kids and get the two oldest off to school, I will have only started a new house the week before, we're driving back the night of for work the next morning ----it's going to be extremely difficult for us to pull this off, but it's that big of a deal!!! So get your mouse a'clickin' and buy your tickets now!

Quote of the Week

I just heard Emily over my shoulder talking to Rohan: "If I pull that tooth out, you're gonna look like an idiot." Brilliance.

......and I think I'm being summoned to do the dirty deed.

TRANSFORMERS AND THE POLICE

My brother called me Sunday evening as Emily and I were playing goofy golf with the kids at our city park. He told me that he had two tickets to see The Police in St. Louis on Tuesday night. I'm sure they were good seats as he had spent $220 on each of them. He had bought them, because at the time they hadn't announced any dates in Chicago where he lives. Later he ended up getting tickets for a Chicago date, but couldn't get rid of the St. Louis tickets. He said that he would let me have them for $50 a piece. I jumped at it.

The Police broke up when I was 11 years old. They had always been a staple on Kasey Kasem's Top 40 Countdown, and radio in general. I remember the summer that Return of the Jedi came out, and an hour didn't pass on the radio without hearing Every Breath You Take. They also ruled Friday Night Videos on NBC. Hey ,we didn't get MTV yet. Wow...now, so many years later, I was going to get to see Sting! Sting! Man, are you listening to what I'm saying?! ...and better yet, Stewart Copeland! One of the greatest drummers of all time! Prior to six o'clock that evening, none of this reality existed. It was truly to be a beginning to July that I would not soon forget.

Later Sunday evening, I called my friend Corey who lives in St. Louis to tell him my good fortune. I knew Corey was also going to the show, so I knew he'd think it was pretty cool. Corey did think it was cool, but informed me that the show wasn't on Tuesday, but Monday the 2nd. I immediately called my brother and told him what Corey had said. Ryan assured me that the show was on Tuesday...the 2nd. I told Ryan that is was already July 1. Ryan wasn't so pleased. Of course, here I am, the guy who is about to miss out on a great show, because there would be probably no chance at getting those tickets delivered in time for the show. I then knew what I had to do. I told Ryan that I would get up early in the morning, drive to Chicago to get the tickets (almost a five hour drive), drive back to pick up Emily, and then head to St. Louis which is about two hours away. Of course, Ryan honorably said that wasn't necessary, but I assured him that I had done crazier things. Hey, what's a little road trip? Even if I would spend almost twelve hours on the road before the show started.

I called Corey to tell him that all was good, and even called my good friend Joe, who I knew would also be at the show. We agreed to text eachother to see what sections we were in. Emily and I discussed what we would do with the kids. We would ask my Dad to watch Elena and Rohan, and we knew that a lady from our church would be glad to watch Riddick. Allie was going to go to her Dad's for a week, so she would be taken care of also. I knew Rohan would be upset that Allie would be gone, but I knew that he was going to have an exciting week as well. His Uncle Ryan was going to come in to visit on Friday...he was going to get to see fireworks on Wednesday......his last ball game that I had almost forgotten about was on Tuesday night....and I was going to take him to see the new Transformers movie on...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I had totally forgotten.

I had gotten tickets over two weeks ago on Fandango to see a sneak preview of Transformers on MONDAY....JULY....2nd.

I sadly called Ryan and told him that I wasn't going to be coming up to get the tickets. I called Corey and Joe and told them that I wouldn't be joining them to bask in rock glory. Corey laughed at the situation and came up with the crazy scenario, saying he could just picture Rohan waiting on the front steps of our house in an Optimus Prime t-shirt, waiting for his Dad to pick him up to take him to the theatre as all the other kids in the neighborhood went racing by in cars in their t-shirts with their dads on their way to see the movie...and he would continue to wait in tears as his Dad was rocking out at the Police concert.

I'll never be THAT kind of Dad. I'll never break a promise to my boy.

Tonight I took Rohan to Target and bought him a new Optimus Prime t-shirt. Then, Rohan, Emily, and I went to see Transformers.

AND IT ROCKED HARDER THAN THE POLICE.

After all, I had been waiting for this movie just about as long as the Police have been broken up.

I did give instuctions to Emily though. When Rohan is a teenager, and tells me that I suck, for whatever reason, since he inevitably will, she is to tell him about the time that I sacrificed going to see one of the greatest rock bands of all time playing what would probably be their only reunion tour ever to go take him to see a Michael Bay car commercial called...

"TRANSFORMERS"

Terry

The song I've got up was recorded on Easter Morning at my church. It was sung by Terry Sprague, backed up on vocals by his son Chris, with Chad Harlan on piano and vocals. Terry was killed in a motorcycle accident yesterday, April 22, 2007. Please listen to the entire song, to pay respect to Terry, whether you knew him or not. Terry was a great man, husband, father, and grandfather. To me, he was a great friend that I looked forward to seeing every week. He was a musician with few peers. It was an honor to play with him every Sunday in our praise band. No one will ever be able to fill his shoes in what he did, and nothing will fill the void that has been left now that he has gone on to be with the Lord. He was an awesome guy. I wish it could be made clear why the Lord wanted to bring Terry home when he did. It's something that people will slowly accept, but I don't think we'll ever understand it. There's a reason for it...but...I guess I'm still at a loss, trying to even talk about it. So please pray for Terry's family, his wife Shara who is still recovering from surgery due to the accident, his son Chris, and his daughter Carrie.

Is this Thirty Something?

Where does string come from and how did it get all over my floor?
There is more toothpaste dried in the sink than there is in the tube.
The dish washer runs every day.
There is always a mountain of clean clothes to be folded that tries to merge with the dirty to be washed.
Somehow my desk is always littered with toys.
The trash is never empty.
Flashlights are always dead.
The gas tank is always on empty.
I don't know where we keep kleenex, but it's easy to find them wadded up.
When I go to use the bathroom there are towels laying everywhere; when I get out of the shower, there are none to be found.
There are always dead batteries where the fresh ones should be kept.
I swear dust-bunnies multiply faster than rabbits.
My leather car seats always have toddler footprints on them.
I'm always stepping in goldfish crackers.
I hate balloons and the fights that they cause.
Every room in our house is infested with Legos.
How does my two year old find chocolate anywhere she goes?
If it's plastic and makes crinkly noises, the cat will find it at three in the morning.
There are no sharpened pencils in our house.
I never remember as a kid asking my parents during the week, "So are we doing anything tonight?"
I think I'm the only person at my house who executes the final step of changing a diaper: dispose of in waste receptacle.
Every light in the house is left on during the day, yet they all seem to magically turn off after sunset.
Above all, children should never have been given instruction on how to use a DVR.
Who knew a two year old could break so many DVDs in half?
My kids can't finish a glass of anything.
They also ignore loose change.
How do we manage to simultaneously start every checkbook in the box?
I used to listen to music that I liked.
When was I not tired?

Greatness from Rohan

When I want comedy, I look no further than dinner time conversation. The other night at dinner, Allie said, "I know who Rohan likes!" Rohan just stared at her as she proclaimed, "Her name is Emily." Rohan barked, "How do you know?" Allie replied, "I looked her up in the yearbook!" Rohan smacked his own forehead and exclaimed, "They've got names in there?!?!?"

Riddick Edward Cook was born this morning, January 31, 2007 at 9:52 a.m. He weighed 7 lbs, 1 oz., and was 19.5 inches long. Emily was induced last night around 10:35 a.m, but remained at a 2 all night long, as they checked her every three hours. Emily's wonderful friend Jenny Walker was with us the entire night, and slept very little in one of the other rooms. Emily's mom Joyce and our oldest Allie arrived sometime before 7 a.m. The mid-wife broke Emily's water a little after 8. She was then given an epidural at 8:45. She had delivered our oldest three without any drugs, so with that and her abdominal hernia in consideration, she deserved the smooth ride. We (Joyce, Allie, & myself) were asked to leave the room for about half an hour while they administered the epidural. We got back around 9:20, and Emily was in much better spirits, not really feeling her contractions at all. Joyce commented from the monitor readout that the contractions had really picked up intensity. Less than ten minutes later Emily gripped the bed rails and said that something felt really strange. Her friend Lynn, who did all of her sonograms, came into the room, and Emily told her something was going on. Lynn got her nurse who then checked Emily and announced that she was complete. The midwife came in and along with her nurse and Lynn got everything ready. Lynn grabbed one leg, I was asked to grab the other, and simultaneously we brought her legs toward her chest. They asked her to push and hold for a ten count, and Riddick came flying out. The midwife said as his head first came out, face down, "There's her head!" At that point I knew we had a girl and looked to Emily. I glanced and saw the entire body come out, but didn't watch them flip him over. Then Emily cried out laughing, "It's a boy!" I looked back as they placed him on Emily's chest, and sure enough, there was his stuff. I still don't understand why you would want to know the sex of your baby! This is one of the most incredible "good" surprises anyone could ever have! As I write this, I am at home with Allie, Elena, and Rohan, while my beautiful wife and new baby boy are still at the hospital. I can't wait to bring them home tomorrow afternoon. I thank our Lord Jesus Christ that we have been so blessed with a safe delivery. I had worked out in my head any number of different outcomes and asked God to give me strength, no matter how this played out. It was all in his hands. I am so thankful that this delivery couldn't have gone any better for Emily. It was her best. I still can't explain the exploding feeling of joy that is in my chest. Praise God! and thanks to all of our friends and family who kept us in their thoughts and prayers. May God bless all of you! We love you all!

Gravity seems to have lost it's effect on my body cavity. I rarely feel this way. The cat meowed. Corbyn is scampering after her. Rohan is singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". Elena is repeatedly saying, "Mommy!" Emily finally replies, "What?!" I'm slouched to one side of my office chair, with my elbow on the window sill. I'm going to see my Uncle for the last time tomorrow. I haven't seen him for over a year I guess. Life is for the living they say, yet life gets in the way of seeing the living, and then they're gone. It would be useless to rehearse a conversation. What do you really say? It's just...something I haven't contemplated for a while. My grandparents are all gone, and two of my Dad's siblings have passed as well. Even when you see it coming, it still catches you off guard when the reality of that one last visit hits you. I guess some don't get that one last time. Rohan asks if I want to help him do his homework. And so it goes.

Some time ago I bought some shirts from ThinkGeek. If you send them an "action shot" of their product, they usually post it. "Here I am!" said the small brown-eyed cow.

So last year, Emily and I were asked to participate as judges in a beauty pageant. Certainly a first for me. I played the part, albeit a strange one. I felt we were fair, and picked the right girl, but we got out of there as soon as we could so as to avoid angry mothers. Now I get a call. They want me to emcee the event this year. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. They said it's all scripted. Thank goodness for that.

We just got back from a great weekend in Chicago. We took Emily's Mom, Dad and Brother up north with us. We hit the Field Museum for the King Tut exhibit, the Shedd Aquarium, and an awsome Blackhawks vs. Blues game with my Bro ---front row seats on the glass, no less. I won't write about all that we did...there wasn't much that we didn't do. C'mon, walking 10 blocks in the rain trying to catch a cab, walking around the Chicago Water Tower, Eating Awesome food, 9 year olds trash talking us at the hockey game, Giordano's pizza, hanging out on the roof of my Bro's place (39 floors up), Eating more food, Sponge Bob in 4-D, Hiking up and down Michigan Ave, Eating even more great food, 40,000 people running underneath my feet in a cold drizzle..of course, they were running a marathon up Columbus and I was standing over them on E. Wacker, but it had never happened to me before. Check out the new pics and videos.

It's been a while since my last post. Maybe I'll post more frequent, but the odds are I won't.

I'm going to try to keep the typing down ---Emily is asleep close by, but tossing and turning. I just turned on the ceiling fan. Hopefully that'll help, but who can tell? Pregnancy is a weird thing.

I watched an old ('94) Cruces video tonight, or pieces of it. I really have never watched one of those things in their entirety. It's an odd thing, knowing that you've aged and that you don't resemble that person that is supposed to be you on a recorded piece of history like a video tape. I wonder if my kids will ever watch any of those tapes. I'm sure they'll laugh.

Oh, Rohan got attacked by a volleyball net rope at church. Rope burn right over his left eye. I don't know how he does it...

I bought the Chronicles of Riddick trilogy this weekend. I had only seen Pitch Black out of the three flicks. The animated short film was okay, but not necessary. It's something that I'm ashamed to say thatI would have done ---throwing something in that you think people will find interesting just because you have the ability and means to do it, yet that doesn't make it a good idea. Anyway, long story short, I actually liked CoR. I know that the critics hated it, but come on, what is this movie anyway? It's not Gone with the Wind, it's just plain old action/sci-fi. Hey, I liked Alien 3 when no one else did. I kinda like the character anyway. He's an outer space Mad Max. I hope they do another sequel, even though I'm probably the only one.

I don't know if I ever posted this before, but I found this in a text file from a little over two years ago. I was quite amused, as Rohan had just started to really talk in full sentences. He's still fond of monsters...although I think he now makes the distinction from girls.

2003.11.18 age 3yrs.3mo.
Rohan, as he's putting a female action figure in a thomas the train car: "He fits!"
Daddy: "Yes, but that's a girl, so it's a she...boys are he's and girls are she's, and that's a girl."
Rohan: "Yeeaaah! And He fits!"
Daddy: "No, boys are he's, and girls are she's."
Rohan: "Yeeaaah! Girls are mossers."

The Amazing Rohan Does it Again.

This time he managed to fall into the Ohio River. Yeah. Not something I've ever done in my lifetime, but we are talking about the Amazing Rohan. Remember, he's amazing, because after all of his misadventures he's still alive. My dad took Allie and Rohan to Fort Massac at Metropolis, IL. and while walking along down by the river (no there was no van) Allie got up on a washed up log and walked along its length. Of course, Rohan tried to do the same and fell with one foot in the water and one still on the log. Dad said that Rohan panicked, tried to scramble back onto the log, and flipped head over heels into the water. He started screaming hysterically, and it took awhile to calm him down. Dad told him not to worry, that they would dry him off as soon as they got back to the truck. However, upon regaining his composure, Rohan informed him that he had been upset only because he was worried that "the sharks" were going to bite him.

I am absolutely amazed that my son Rohan is still with us. He flirts with death all the time...and he's five. Tonight, he and his sister Allie shouted their "goodnights" from their bedroom, and then we heard what sounded like a boulder crashing through to the first floor. Rohan had managed to flip head first off the top bunk, over the safety rail mind you. He smashed though the keyboard shelf of Allie's desk, ripping it from the desk itself. On top of that, or should I say underneath it all, a shattered bottle of nail polish. That's gonna bring up the varnish on the wood floor. We ran into the room and found that he was already on his feet crying. He ran to Emily as I knelt over the whole mess. Allie was standing beside me, and I asked her to grab Elena and take her to her room. Allie then proceeds to try and walk barefooted though the rubble. I throw up and arm, barring her way, and advised her intelligent self to go around the other way. Rohan managed to almost do the same thing about ten minutes later. Then as he was sitting in Allie's lounge chair with a bag of ice on his head, he managed to flip it over on top of himself. After I got though cleaning the mess, Allie advised us that Elena's foot had been bleeding, but that "it was almost dried now"......just wonderful. I'm just blown away.

My friend Kirk has included this blog in one of his links, so I thought that I ought to put up a little update.

My daughter Elena Estelle turns ONE today!!!!!! Rohan had his birthday two weeks ago (on some other person's bday :D ) and had a pretty good time. He starts kindergarten this year. Allie is almost done with her last bit of vacation with her dad, so we're looking forward to her getting home.

We're going to be moving soon. We're buying our first (most likely last) house and we close in two days. It's a great house built in 1920, and we can't wait to start working on it. We're turning the attic into a bedroom for Rohan, and we're combining two rooms on the second floor into a master suite. We'll hopefully tackle the kitchen this coming spring. Some people keep saying,"Oh, get ready for a huge headache..." even knowing that I do this sort of thing for a living every day. I've been demolishing and rebuilding since I was thirteen. Guess to be me is a real headache.

Saw one of my aunts yesterday for the first time in many years. Mentally challenged. Pulled up in my Mom and Dad's driveway in a mini-van as we were making pieces for a pergolla. Didn't know she could drive ---really didn't know who she was for that matter. My mom reported updates to my Dad later that night. Her oldest is almost out of juvey since he's almost twenty-one. Won't tell you why he's there, and don't ask if he forced some boys to allow him to perform felatio on them in a jr. high bathroom under threat of violence, because I won't comment. Her daughter is back home with her, since being in foster homes since the age of twelve. She's eighteen now, and I guess she thought it was smart to go home to mom, even though mom's boyfriend was the one who raped her six years ago. Sure that dude's gone, and my aunt's current husband is in prison for fifteen, but I'm just thinking that "home" would not be the best place to be living if living is what you want to do. I haven't even seen these kids for over fifteen years. Craziness. God be with them.

The band finally got a decent rehearsal space, all thanks to our drummer Joe. Maybe we'll get back to playing out. Who knows?

What else....what else...

We've said goodbye to our landline, and I don't think we'll be picking it back up at the new place. Kind of a nice feeling.

I guess I'm about to dive back into the joy that goes along with moving. Ordering new checks, throwing away all the free address labels that we've collected over the past two years from VFW mailings :). Calling ump-teen places to change our mailing address. Changes our mailing address at ump-teen more places online. Doing the mailing address change thing with the post office. Then hoping no bills get lost in the mail. Yea.

Something died somewhere hidden in the hall bathroom this past weekend. Now our bedroom closet which is beside the bathroom is eminating a nice sweet odor of death. Lovely, lovely, lovely. We've been having to sleep with a candle burning at night, hoping that the cat doesn't decide to burn the place down.

Guess that's all for now. Gotta go start baking Elena's cake, so Emily can frost it when she gets home.

So I haven't blogged in forever. Oh well, what can I say.

I copied this short bit from an email that I sent to some friends. It's about my trip with the wife and kids to go see "Batman Returns". Enjoy...

Just saw it. It was pretty good from all that I gathered. I say this, because of course it was a typical night at the movies for the Cooks.

We stop at the good ol' IL Center 8, and I run in to buy tickets. One girl is tapping a stack of Father's Day Sith posters on the counter, and while I'm wondering how I could score one, I almost miss the other girl short change me a ten dollar bill. I question the amount of change given, and she apologetically slips my ten-spot through the window. After walking out I kick myself for not asking for a poster to make up for the small misunderstanding. We drive around for a bit to kill time, knowing that the less time spent sitting in the theater, the less fussy Elena will become. I tell Emily about the two movie girlies, the posters, and the short-changing. Emily tells me I should have been cute and gotten that poster. Imagine ---my wife shaming me for not flirting.

We return to the movies after Emily and Allie argue for ten minutes about where some friend of Allie's lives. (??? ---such important issues.) We walk into the building, and Rohan bee-lines for the water fountain. Nothing good will come of that, I know. We file into the theater and shuffle into a row near the back of the room, but not near enough. Allie has a spiral fracture below her left elbow, and because of it's location (or dislocation I should say) from the growth plate, she doesn't have a cast, but a robot arm thingy that when bumped she's in tears. This does happen while we're trying to get the kids seated, and she does erupt into tears. After some verbal caressing, she settles down to her usual somber self.

For fifteen minutes, we sit through the bad theater trivia advertising slide-show, which loops at least three times. I look over and Allie and Emily are starting to fight. Emily is telling her that she can't go swimming with her Dad's family like he said that she could next weekend (what a moron), and she's starting to do her quiet mopey crying bit like her favorite slacker rocker has blown his head off and she can't find a candle to light and has no flannel to wear to the vigil. After trying to assure her that we're only thinking of her well-being, we get her to stop crying (again), and she drops her head to stare at the floor.

Previews start. Rohan keeps rubbing his eyes and says that they're burning. I tell him if he's tired, he may want to close his eyes. He says he's not tired. Elena keeps wanting to be passed back and forth between Emily and myself. Emily has brought fries in from Sonic to give to Elena to keep her quiet, so we take turns with one of us holding her and one of us shoving fries into the lil' guppies maw. Allie the 9-year-old vacuum keeps eating the fries, Emily keeps snapping at her, and Allie returns to more staring at the floor like it's full of reflections of happiness lost. I can't imagine what she's going to be like as a teenager. I'm definitely hiding my Cure cd collection.

Rohan's Velcro movie booster seat keeps falling over to one side, and although he requests my help in the matter, his simultaneous attempts to remedy the situation thwart my efforts to help him out. The result is something out of a Peter Sellers flick.

During the Dukes of Hazzard trailer Rohan says his eyes won't stop burning and starts to cry. I get up, take Rohan to the bathroom, rinse his hands, rinse his eyes, let him do his usual cycle with the hand dryer, let him stop at the water fountain (please let him have an iron bladder), and then march him back to his seat.

Movie starts. Rohan wants to know when does he turn into Batman. Elena starts crying. Emily leaves the theater with her. The kids are more concerned where their mother has gotten off to than what's on the screen, and so they keep turning one-eighties in their seats thinking that they'll find her. Rohan's movie seat slips to the side at least several times during these visual recon missions.

Rohan still wants to know when does he turn into Batman. Rohan then gets on my lap for round one of the twenty minute twist and squirm game (at least ol' B.W. turned into Batman.) Rohan then has to go pee. My Dad claims the kid sat all the way through Sith and then hit the bathroom running after the credits started to roll, but I guess Batman doesn't hold the same curiosity for him. I take him to the bathroom during the Arkham Asylum fight; guess I'll have to catch that one on the dvd. I look in the stall to tell him to hurry up. This is what I see: Rohan levitating over the bowl gripping the bare rim of the toilet like a prize gymnast on the parallel bars. I checked...just because...and we'll say that the guy before Rohan didn't have good aim. Hell, the last twenty guys. Anyway, this means of course I definitely can't skip the ritual of the washing of the hands. However, I did make him skip the hand dryer much to his disappointment and gave him a quick lesson in shaking them dry.

After being reseated and watching more of the movie. some gunther guy gets up to go to or go do whatever and trips on our diaper bag that Emily has forgotten ---both ways. I locate the bag and shove it under the seat in front of me. Rohan is thirsty. I tell him he can wait.

Rohan declares that he is now tired and wants to sit on my lap for round two of twist and squirm. After twenty more minutes of this wonderful activity Emily returns from the outside world. She hits Allie's arm on the way in. Allie starts to cry. Emily hushes her up. This probably happened during a meaningful scene; I wouldn't know. Emily asks for her keys. I throw Rohan into his booster seat. It slides to the side. He starts to complain, I shush at him. I fidget through all of the wrong pockets trying to locate the keys, while of course Rohan is trying to tell her that the guy has turned into Batman, and not quietly I might add. By this time I'm sure that the people behind us are just loving their choice of seats. After giving her the keys, she asks where her purse is. I'm sure that gunther guy kicked it high and low, and for the life of me I just cannot feel where it's at. No other choice. I get on my f***ing hands and knees and start to peer under the seats. Even as a kid I never crawled on a theater floor. What a lovely place it is. As soon as my eyes start to adjust to my new surroundings, Emily hisses in my general direction that she meant the diaper bag. I look at her, soooooooo happy that my hands are coated with theater floor residue. I shove the diaper bag at her and hope that she catches my glare. Emily hustles off and I climb back into my seat.

After a while the movie ends, we get up and walk to the lobby. There is Emily at the box office counter with three movie girlies, including the human calculator. Elena is on the counter, holding one of Emily's hands, bouncing up and down, waving to the drooling girlies going ga-ga over baby party tricks. In Emily's other hand is a Father's Day Sith poster.

Score: Mommy 1 --- Daddy 0.

Up next, Fantastic 4.

I'm about to go to bed. Elena is quiet...she's been asleep for about two hours now. Emily has Rohan at the E.R. His breathing became short tonight and he complained about his chest hurting. He's been coughing so much the last couple of days and regular cough syrup just isn't helping at all. They've been there for almost three hours now, and she just called saying that they've been put in a room in same day surgery to await a doctor, since the E.R. is too full. Poor Rohan...I hate seeing my little boy have to go through this.

We enjoyed a nice Super Bowl Sunday at our friends' house in Belleville. Thanks again for having us Doug and Jess!!!

My Dad is recovering from having a torn retina re-attached. He's not being too patient with the healing process. I think after you reach the age of 60, patience is all but gone. The poor man needs a vacation from health problems...and so does my Mom for that matter, but wow, is that another story.

Have I been absent for a while or what?!?!?! :)

Maybe I'll start blogging again. I haven't really been online much, or around the computer much for that matter. Life has been really different for the last five months or so, but it's starting to return back to normal...the normal that preceeded Elena's birth, I guess. It feels nice, really. No big opinions to spout out right now, or nothing monumental to say ---I just thought I'd throw some sort of post up, put out the signal that I'm still here.

I'm going to bed now...hoping that I hear from Emily soon...

Staring at the months. Wow, have they really gone by that fast? Let's see if I can give a brief synopsis on what's going on in my life.

My daughter, Elena, is now two months old. She's finally taking to me, as she's a mommy's girl. Since she was born, she would freak out when she realized that it was evil Daddy holding her, but she's starting to chill out. She looks like Emily, so that's awesome. It's a first for one of her children.

My dad had back surgery in September, and we took care of him for a week or so, until he was able to get along by himself. He's going to have a re-reconstructive surgery to his intestinal plumbing on Nov.1, so the adventure isn't over yet. Hopefully in the months following this upcoming surgery, he'll regain his physical strength. He's gone from around 190 pounds to around 140. He looks much too weak and old for being 60.

Since my dad has been down, we haven't been working together, so I had to get another job. I now work for some friends of ours at their fireplace and lighting studio. I work on the sales floor and out in the field doing installs. I'm learning a lot in an area of building that I have no experience in. Namely dealing with different gas pipe installation configurations, installing gas logs and fireplaces, mantels and cabinets, etc., etc., etc. The hours are different than what I was used to and are a little longer also. My work day was always 7 to 3:30. Now I don't go in until 8:30, and usually get home before 6. Although some nights run late, as I didn't get home tonight until 8. So, it's not so cool as far as family time is concerned, but it's not long term. I'm sure my dad and I will be back working together some time after the new year.

Heavy Wishing hasn't been playing at all recently. I think that it's killing us. Our schedules have been so crazy, we just haven't been able to hook up. Also, we lost our long-time rehearsal space, so that's the main factor in why we haven't gotten together. We have a show coming up on Nov.6 (I think), so now all efforts on are just preparing for that, no matter what. We have some new material that we started working on at the beginning of the summer, but now it seems so far gone, we'll really have to bust ass getting it all together in time for the show.

In other Derek music news, my old band Cruces will be reuniting for a show this coming Saturday night in Carbondale at the Hangar 9 with another band that we played with in the 90's, the Waxdolls. We had a rehearsal last night ---the first time that we've played together in over 2 years. It was very surreal. Honestly, it was as if the band had never broken up. Sure, we were rusty here and there, and I think that the guys were kind of hard on themselves for mistakes that I really didn't hear. That's to be expected though, but from where I was standing, I thought it sounded great. If we sound as good or better than Sunday night, we'll be in good shape. Dave from TDOHW took a lot of pics of our practice that'll I'll be posting on the Crucesrock.com site soon.

Rohan snuck off at Emily's salon today with some shears and cut a huge chunk out of his bangs. The only way Emily could fix it was to give him a buzz cut with a number 4 guard. When I got home from work and saw him I almost cried. My dear little boy has no hair left! I had spoken to her earlier in the evening, and she said that he didn't want to eat dinner. He told her that he wasn't hungry. When she asked him why he replied,"My belly hurts, 'cause you balded me." Only Rohan...God love him.

Maybe I'll write more soon, maybe not. Life is crazy these days. At least I found this small bit of time to write.

Good night.