Dark Side...or Not?

So the kids are playing Star Wars in the living room and I overhear Elena say, "Rally! Rally! Everyone who loves the Dark Side come to this rally!" There's a pause and Riddick says, "That guy's not a dark side character."

Post-pool Riddick

Riddick taking a shower after being in the pool all evening, and suffering somewhat of an allergic reaction to the pool chemicals, the most noticeable being a hoarse voice.

Me: How's it going in there bud?

R: It feels really good. 

Me: Good.

R: Except my voice is changed. 

Me: Well, that happens. You've been shouting a lot and you've somewhat of a cold. 

R: Is it because I'm getting older?

Me: Ummm noooo...that'll be a few more years. 

R: Oh. Well Rohan's voice changed.

Me: Yeah, but he's a teenager. 

R: So not yet?

Me: No. Not yet. 

King J's Diaper

Overheard from a cartoon that El is watching: Handsome party of one, your diaper is ready!

Everyone's a Winner

The kids are arguing over which movie to watch: The Fifth Element or Stargate. We were still unloading groceries when we were aware Riddick had put in Stargate. Rohan protested because he had just purchased The Fifth Element on blu-ray. Ro one, but just the thought of Riddick's flick of choice was pretty cool. 

Derek Was Here

I have a great many books of which I have read no small amount a great many times. I do so enjoy employing all manners of bookmarks, but I do not scoff at dog-earing the corner of a page, nor laying a book splayed out on the read pages. Thus, a great majority of my books have a well-read quality to their appearance. Tonight, after having reached a nice stopping point in The Fellowship of the Ring, I noticed as I began to fold the corner of the page that it already had a well-worn crease. It was as though I was able to shake hands with an earlier version of myself; a comforting thought. I hope someday that someone, maybe one my own grown children, or even a grandchild, stopping at the same place, notices the same noticeable folds, like landmarks on a much traveled path, and smiles at the memory --of me. 

The Force Awakens

I just had my dad watch the new Star Wars trailer on my phone while sitting in his car. Just listening to it from the passenger seat stirred memories of watching the original Star Wars for the first time from the back seat of an old Toyota at the old Marion drive-in in '77 or '78, with him, my mom, and my younger brother. In my short lifetime, I do not believe that any other singular American pop culture phenomenon has affected me in the way that Star Wars has. Set aside the failings of any of the installments in regard to separate works of cinematic art and consider how the merchandizing of the late Seventies set the stage for what we as consumers in our contemporary modern culture expect to see and hear coincide with a blockbuster theatrical release. Consider how the simplest lines of dialogue have worked their way into our modern lexicon. Consider the themes, although not entirely original, have cemented themselves alongside those of religious and other spiritual teachings. Although my foremost fantastical literary love affair is with the works of J.R.R. Tolkien, it is almost impossible for me to go throughout my day and not have a Star Wars related thought cross my mind. I truly believe it is due to the constant integration and indoctrination of the film property into our global culture over the past nearly forty years. It's something that makes me smile every time one of my children sees the logo in a public place and says, "Look dad! Star Wars!" because I know that was me sitting in the back of an old Toyota in a galaxy far, far away. 

Third Grade Love Life

Riddick: I had a girlfriend in first grade.

Sav: Oh yeah? What was her name?

Riddick: I don't remember. 

Me: Ya know, it was so long ago.

Riddick: Well...she moved that day.

Sav: Oh. That very day?

Riddick: Yup. I don't know what happened. 

My Perspective Should Always Be From the Expanded Universe

After dropping El of at the junior high and making our way to Riddick's elementary school...

Riddick: "What's up with that bench over there? Is there a dead person buried underneath it?"

Me: "No, but it still may be a memorial. Sometimes benches are placed as memorials to persons who have died, much like statues, even if the body of that person is buried elsewhere."

Riddick: "Well, I know of one statue that isn't a memorial for a person who is dead."

Me: "Oh yeah? Who is that?"

Riddick, "Superman."

Too Early in the Morning for Riddick Humor

As the kids and I were in the kitchen this morning, Rohan sighed and said, "I'm tired."

Acknowledging his crazy after school schedule I chuckled and said, "Wow, I can't imagine why."

Elena obviously missing the point said, "Welllll, if you wouldn't stay up so late."

"Uhhh, there's more to it than that." I quickly replied.

"Seven hours of school, two hours of running, two hours of wrestling..." Rohan mildly added in his own defense.

Then Riddick chided, "Just wait until you get in the third grade Rohan."

I almost fell over laughing. Elena chimed in before Rohan could, "What are you talking about Riddick?!"

"Dad gets it. He's laughing." Riddick answered dryly.

"Oh do I?" I almost could not suppress my laughter. "Let's just pretend for a moment that I don't. What do you mean?"

"Yeah Riddick. If Rohan is in high school then he's already been in the third grade." jibed Elena.

Riddick answered back, "I know that Elena. It was a joke. I said 'wait', get it? He has to wait? Sheesh."

It is good to be Riddick: he has it all figured out, all of the time.

Never Cut the Red One!

Elena and I were stopped at an intersection when she observed some exposed wiring on a tractor trailer in the lane next to us. She said, "Dad, why is it they never know which wire to cut in a movie --the blue one, green one, or the red one?" My little grape is a clever one. 

Trials of a Shoe Gazer

Went for a run this morning. When I made it back to our apartment complex I walked past our front porch several times, out of breath, sweat pouring off of me. After about five passes, my heart rate only slightly lessened, I decided that I was ready to go in, if only just to make the neighbors less nervous. I walked up the porch while fishing my key out of my running arm band. I put it in the deadbolt  and jiggled it while jerking on the door handle, since it's rather problematic. I glanced up and the thought crossed my mind, "When did we put a wreath back on the front door?" I quickly looked at the bike --not Ro's bike.

So far the police have not been called. 

Waaaaaa

The shorties are watching an old Hello Kitty cartoon and a character said, "Why are you crying? There's nothing to cry about. Well...I take that back. There's a lot to cry about!" I can't stop laughing. 

El & Eddie: Lost in Vegetation

El: Shut up! You talk wierd!

Riddick's: Hey! You shut up! He's a potato!

El: He's an artichoke. 

Riddick's: Meh. 

El & Eddie: Seven(3rd)

Playing Mario Kart DD against the shorties...

Elena angrily: Oh my gosh! I got third! 

Riddick looking at the on screen stats: Ummm seven times third. 

Me: BWAHAHAHA!!!

Elena jumps up and charges me. 

Me laughing my head off: WHA??? It's not me! It's your brother!

I swat her away and she charges Riddick 

Me: Hey! Hey! Hey!

Elena swings at him and his he does this weird floppy jaw thing while bobbling his head reminiscent of Jim Carrey: Ayyayyayyayya

Me: Ooookay, leave your little brother alone. You're bigger than him.

Riddick: Ayyayyayyayya 

Me: See, he's just a little baby Taun Taun.

Elena: Shut up!

El & Eddie: No Satisfaction

While at the coffee shop listening to our favorite barista cycle through sampled gun sounds on his phone...

Elena: Well, that's not very satisfying.
Riddick: Well, you're not very satisfying.
Elena: I don't think you know what the word even means.
Riddick: Yup. I have no clue.

Maybe it's in the pizza...

Elena, about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: "Dad, will they always remain teenaged?"

I miss the Civil Wars

Is it just the time?
Is it really 4:16 a.m.?
Why must I search?
Room all red
Echoes that laugh
And they sing
The Civil Wars
The two that made me question
The two that made me believe
And even they quit
No matter my wish
I'm old enough
Oh, yes
I'm old enough
Old enough to know
Nothing lasts
None of this is real
Dreams are reality
Reality is a dream
Like her
Like all of the hers
She who lit the flame
That lit my spirit
That fueled my fire
Which searched to give
Warmth and all of it
All that I thought
That had a direction
But found none
Because I was...
Not him
And finally
Burned me out
To a cinder of what I was
Yes, her
That one that you're thinking of
The one that isn't real
The one that they sang about
The one that I thought was real
The Civil Wars
Room all red
This room so big
This room so empty
See me so alone
Rewind and repeat
Push play and here I go
Her and her and her
Oh once again
All of them
Their shadows dim
No proof that they were even here
She wasn't here
They were a dream
She was a dream
They weren't real
She wasn't real
She wasn't warm
She didn't feel
And what does it take?
What can make me quit?
What can destroy my beliefs?
It takes seeing to believe
A growing belly
A truck in the driveway
A glowing phone
An emoticon reply
A picture of two smiles
Reading what was
Never said about me
It takes these things
To make me believe
That there was never her
That there was never me
That there was never ever
Anything at all
To ever believe in
That as they sing
That as they say
I've been lonely
Too long
But who are they?
They are gone.

Elena continues to prove that she's bigger than me

I'm finally getting around to posting about this. Earlier this week, Elena came into my bedroom holding an impromptu art project. She's such the lady of the household that she can get out anything art and craft related, make a mess in her creative modds, clean it all up, and I'm almost never the wiser. Thus, I wasn't even aware that she had been busy with a project. She asked what I thought about it --it was a pink impression of her hand-prints on a piece of white glitter foam-board glued at an angle on a pink piece of glitter foam-board. It was done really nicely, and I asked, "What is it for?" She replied, "Well, I just wanted to do it for school to take and show my teacher and my class. I think it shows we can beat cancer."

Yeah.

Proud, proud, proud.

Having a bad day?

Recently I have noticed frequent facebook posts by friends that state things like, "My life is over!" or "I give up!" My life has been on a stuttering reboot ever since my divorce almost four years ago. Since then I have had many days that things don't really go my way. Upon further reflection, my life isn't quite where I thought it would be at all at the age of forty. Yet, through it all I've never "given up." Make no mistake --it hasn't been a bad life, especially being blessed with three beautiful children and having my health. It just hasn't been a cake-walk either. You're probably thinking, "Sure Derek, whatever." In that event, please read further as I quickly recap my litany of my life's low-points...

• After high school my junior college art instructor discouraged all notions of using computers in the field of commercial art, so I dropped out of college. I would not return to higher education for another seventeen years.
• The girl whom I considered my soul-mate went off to college and quickly broke up with me. We had been on and off for about three years. We touched upon resolving things, but it never worked out. Ah, the perils of young love.
• I felt as though I was forced to leave my home after high school, but of course everyone must leave the nest at some point. I lived in a crawlspace under a friend's bedroom for awhile (I could sit up in bed, but my head was between floor joists when I did) that was infested with mice. I also lived on a friends back porch for some time with no heat. That was a cold winter. I was grateful though for the shelter.
• My band Cruces toured much and played many label festivals and was promised many good things with many handshakes. Nothing ever worked out for the band. At one point we had collected over ninety rejection letters from record labels. Cruces had thirteen total members. At any given time there were four to six people in the line-up, so that is a lot of line-up changes through the band's twelve year existence. Some of those departures were not friendly. it was very difficult having friendships, or rather, brother-like relationships torn apart. Ultimately, two members leaving at the same time spurred me to end the band and start over with Heavy Wishing.
• My first marriage was an on-going fight. We fought almost every night about something. In fact, I have really no memories from that marriage, because I can only assume I have blocked it in some way. I do know that I was miserable and finally got out.
• I have had to witness all of my grandparents, two uncles, and two aunts die of terminal illnesses. I can also count four good friends that have passed away, and have had to watch as friends lay their children to rest. Let's say I've had much practice as a pallbearer and singing at funerals.
• My second wife and I tried our hardest as owners of a tanning/beauty salon to make it work. Near the end we were putting over a thousand dollars a month out of our own pockets into the business. Ultimately we had to walk away from the business and file for bankruptcy.
• I spent hundreds of hours learning web design and hundreds more doing freelance work for clients. It never paid off, so I took up work at a fireplace/lighting shop. I was thankful for the work, but we watched ourselves get further in debt as the pay wasn't enough.
• For a greater part of my adult life I built houses with my father or other crews. The physical work was very hard and took its toll on my back. Whereas there were times that the money was good, those periods of time between jobs were hard financially. I ultimately gave up being a contractor and went back to college, because we were constantly underbid for jobs and it was incredibly expensive to stay insured.
• My second wife of eleven years walked into our bedroom one evening and said that she had divorce papers drawn up. No warning. I tried hard for some sort of reconciliation for two months. It never happened. It finally took a couple months of counseling to get me to stop placing the blame on myself.
• Immediately after the divorce I got a job stocking shelves at Kroger. During this time I was taking around 18 hours at SIU in the Teacher Education Program. It was the second block and nothing but paper after paper, many group projects, and constant portfolio work. I would go to work from 8pm-2:30am, get home and unwind by working out, start homework around 3:30am, usually go to sleep by 6am, and wake at 7am to get ready for classes. I survived on one hour of sleep during those work nights for six weeks. I took fifteen minute power naps on campus in any nook and cranny I could find. Along with coping with my failed marriage and living away from my children, it was the closest I ever came to a complete mental breakdown.
• I was told two weeks before graduating SIU that I was not in fact graduating. My adviser told me that I was three credit hours short. Within the next two weeks I borrowed money to pay for a statistics course at John A Logan, crammed for the class's final exam, and scored an 80.5; I needed an 80 to get credit for the course. I won't even describe the hell associated with that debacle and all the additional legwork involved in even getting SIU and JALC to work together in time for not only my graduation, but to get my teaching certificate in time to get one day of subbing in to qualify for the outgoing teaching retirement system. Ultimately a snow day killed that final goal on the last day of school before Christmas break. However, I did graduate with my peers and walked during graduation at the age of 37.
• In the last three years I have applied for countless teaching positions and have been shot down each and every time. I'm always told, "Well, it's who you know!" Really? Please. I know tons of people, and I will forever be grateful for those who have constantly gone to bat for me with countless phone calls, texts, and emails. It's difficult having touched the lives of hundreds of students as a substitute teacher, having them shout out "Mr. Cook!" every time they see me, and putting all of my heart into teaching in a classroom, only to know that I will never get a job as a public school teacher for whatever reason, which in most cases has been either because I wasn't related to a school board member, or I did not have coaching experience.
• Last fall I did two back-to-back leaves at an area high school as a math teacher. This tenure was from the second week of school into the early part of November. During this time, I somehow started in the middle of a pay period, and then there was the standard withholding period of a new employee. Meaning, it was around six weeks or so before I got my first paycheck, during which time I was out over five-hundred dollars in gas and food for work, the restaurant where I work evenings was slow, my power got shut off (which resulted in being turned in to DCFS), my water got shut off, and finally my phone got shut off. Yet I never missed a day of work, and did my damnedest to make sure those students were taught the lessons to the best of my abilities.
• I have been through several long-term relationships and break-ups since my divorce. None of them easy, and one or two that caused great heartache.
• My music has reached all over the globe in some fashion or the other thanks to internet radio and album sales on iTunes and Amazon. I have not received any monetary compensation, because it all goes back into advertising, and I will ultimately die a virtual unknown artist, because of the attitudes of the general population of music consumers in regards to unsigned acts. [READ WITH SARCASM] Because of course, if you're not signed to a major record deal, you must not be any good.
• I'm like every other poor bloke right now: I have about ten dollars in checking, I live from nightly tips as a server/bartender, I can't pay for old credit card debts incurred during my message and have constant court summons about said debts, something is always breaking down on my car, have spent thousands of dollars on overdraft fees, and live off of quinoa and dried beans. It is what it is.

Now...there is the great possibility that my just dues are coming. My fingers are crossed about a second interview with a company for whom I would love to work. I may actually be able to join the higher paid workforce which will change my life considerably. In the past three years I have discovered personal fitness which not only keeps my core strong, averting issues with my back, but it keeps me high on life. I continue to have a great relationship with my children, including my step-daughter from my second marriage. I maintain several relationships with long-term friends and even some newer friends. I also have a deep personal religious faith. I'm not outspoken about it at all, but it has always kept me going. I have seen friends quit and seemingly take the easy way out, but I will NOT let this world beat me down. You're all stuck with me and my optimism. You'll constantly see me post motivational images and videos to social networks. Not only does someone out there need it, I need it from time to time as well. Peace and many blessings to you all.

El & Eddie: Tags

Elena: Riddick, your tag is showing.

Riddick: I like to have my tags show on my shirts, because they itch in my shirt.