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Skin cracked
Along the fingerprint
It heals...
Cracks again...
It's an endless cycle
At least in the winter
But afterward it's good
For a very long while
Then as always is the case
The weather changes back
And then cracked again
And I always forget
How to deal with it
Like it's new
And my brain wonders
Why it even bothers
Because I'll never learn
And I mean never
In the sense of never
So I mend and heal
I do what I can to
Ignore any pain
And I realize that some
Beginnings quickly end
And some endings
Seek new beginnings
And it's okay to be tired
It's okay to be numb
It's okay to feel sick over it
It's okay to...
Just let it all go
It's cracked skin
I use my hands a lot
So what can I do?
I mend and heal
I do what I can to
Ignore any pain
And I keep telling myself
That it won't happen
The same way again
And I wait
And massage my broken skin
With fingers cracked anew
And wonder

Marais des Cygnes

Seriously though
Is it all in some way of
Trying to reconcile
With the lack of action and
Feeling and emotion
And all of the above
Of everything that maybe you
Feel that in the long run of
Another day in time
You might leave this place
This last place of Bleeding
Before the Lost Cause
You just might consider
Trading in all of the
Nonsense and fever pitch
The non-such and for once
Letting something or
Someone take care of you
Away from it all?
Well, I have always
Considered the fail-safe
Of better late than never
But these days I fear
Never like I've never feared
Anything in my life
Which is running away from it all
And I just might consider
Trading in all of it
Because the frustration
That I feel is starting to
Pull me away from this
So most amazing
Intrinsic beautiful
Blow apart the stars
In the face of it all
Powerful feeling even though
I don't want to go...
I really don't.
But as much as I live
That life is one that has
Always had a need to feel
And share and want and give
And that is what it is
And that is what I've always been
And if that is something that
Scares you then I really
Wish you would just let me know
So I could change course because
I don't want too-lates
Sneaking up on me from
Behind and tapping me on my
Shoulder just to laugh in my
Face as I turn around for yet
Another round of let-downs
In the wake of the world
Passing me by with everyone
That I know looking down
At me from their window seat
That they purchased when I
Thought I knew it all...
When I thought I had it
All figured out...
And now I know that I will
Never have it figured out
Only because it is relative
And I'm pretty sure that
I don't see it in the same way
As anyone else on this planet
And although I had hoped
That you would agree
And maybe I really do believe
That you do in fact see
What I see and know what
I know and sing what I sing
So it would so pain me to admit
And to see it would make me sick
You may just be content to
Settle for mediocrity
And I cannot and will not
March to the beat of the
World's drummer because
I would loathe myself
And the hand that clasps
That hand is the one that
Touches me deep and
Smooths out all of my
Scars and checks my mental
Notes and holds tight as
I tell myself
I just don't think that
I can survive to see into
The long run of
Another day in time
And very soon I honestly
Dread that day that will
Open up with a monologue
That my heart is shoving
Down my throat that simply
Has two words written on it
It says,"Say goodbye"
Goodbye Marais des Cygnes
Goodbye Marais des Cygnes

Brasserie

I have cast
A frail and thin
Cloak around
My skin
And dream of once when
I entered in
A place so warm
With friends
With smells of bread
Rich drafts of mirth
So rich it took
My sight
I supped and drank
To my heart’s content
I cried tears of
Delight
We sang for love
We sang for health
We sang with all
Our might
There was no count
Of hours past
So stretched a long
Good night
Now memory is
So cruel to me
As I walk in cold
Tonight
I wonder if
I’ll ever see
Again
That lovely sight
I keep walking
I keep searching
I need something
I am fading

I'm Here Now

I'm here now
Considering possibilities
Wandering paths that maybe
I have no business exploring
There is no direction
Nothing outlined for me
So I'm just trying my best
Feeling around in this dark
Trying to make out which
Ray of light to follow
Very fearful that the most
Beautiful is nothing but an
Illusion that has my heart
Bound in a perpetual loop of
Exhaustive hopefulness
Some nights I laugh
Some nights I scream
I'm here now!
Why can't you see me?
Or do you and it's just
Something else over which
I have no control and the
Clouds that surround the
Issues won't part for me
And the light in which I believed
Slowly fades into nothingness
And for the first time in a long time
I start to doubt because
The stops have all been pulled out
My words have all been spelled out
My plans have all been played out
And I am left with the nothing that
I've had for so long
And in that passage of time
That will be added to all of the rest
I quietly mourn what I honestly
Believe should have transpired
Because I'm here now
Still alone
Considering possibilities
Wandering paths that maybe
I have no business exploring
Just because down the road
In that most incredible place
That is most illuminated
By your ray of light
I'm still that fool that
Believes that there is a chance
A slim chance in this
Murky sea of futility
That you'll have me
And I'm just left saying
Ever meekly and simply
I'm here now