Age Appropriate

Bearing point

Breaking point

I've seen them the same

Mine own forgotten measure

Suspension of...

Well...

Prolonged belief?

Or maybe it's the

Affective embattlement

Just so...

Caught up in it all

Frightening emotions

Muddled justifications

Breathing intermittently

Passionately feasting

Picking and choosing

Razor sharp jagged shards

Placements guessed

Adjusted hastily

Fusing together

Mismatched edges

But aren't the colours

So marvelous!

So mesmerizing!

Ah, yes!

Passively convenient reasoning

Movement outside

Alarms ring out

Sense of hearing...

Muffled

Sense of feeling...

Prickly and tingling

Instinct and notions...

Paused and reeling

Knowing better

Does not matter

Matter of fact

It's better not knowing

I'm wearing it all out

Because I do not know

Maybe even don't care

What to wear...

That which is primed

Polished

Dazzling

Seductive...

Or dirty

Frazzled

Travel-worn

Covered in blood of

My all time

I really do not know

And in this all

I say my own name

Out loud...

Just to hear it said

And for a second

It means something

And then that second

...Passes

It joins all of the rest

That time takes back

As freely as it

Eternally surrenders

And I'm still here

Occupying a loaned space

Passing out handbills

Advertising the great

Carnival of Make-Believe

Yes, the one and the same

That I as a youngster

Stole entry through a tear

In a side panel

So, so decorated!

And now look at me

I've mended it myself

With threads of pretense

Marking myself

So clever

So meticulous

So...

Lowered

And...

Jaded

I can admit it

Or

I can hide it

Maybe I'm tired

Of fixing it

Maybe I'm tired

Of talking about it

Yes...

Very, very, very

Tired of talking about it

And so...

I look deep and hard

To draw it out and

Offer it up to be gone

Forever

I see lines that

Years have drawn

A foundation of all

That are yet to come

And maybe...

Maybe I'm okay...

For now...

For yet one more day

I'm still thirty-six.

CRUCES...20 years old this year?!?!

I was just considering that it will have been twenty years since Danny Wilson, Christopher Fouke, and myself started Cruces in September 1990. Matt Arms later joined after the new year with many other members passing through the ranks until the band called it quits in August of 2002. Seriously...twenty years? That's ridiculous. Just to woolgather, I uploaded "Spectacle of Sick Amusement" to the band's MySpace page a bit ago. It was recorded in September 1998 with me on vocals/guitar, Scott Doudera on bass, Eric Watkins on guitar/vocals, and Nate Blache on drums.

Spectacle of Sick Amusement (1998)

Take those words
Drag them through the sand
Take the water pour it down the ditch
Take a look at what pools at the end
Bring down your glass
Your favorite one you know the
One I'm talking about
Your favorite one
Dip it not once, not just twice
Dip it three times and smile
Hold your breath
And toss it in the air
Watch our world shatter
What the hell our love didn't matter
Let it reunite
With the sand

You
Why do you need me?
Why
Do you play with me?
For the spectacle?
For the better days?
Pleasure baby
But maybe
I can hold out
For something better
So take off that face

Dirt road of my creation
Guides your feet
Poison food I grow
Is the food you eat
You say so, so you know
That I believe
Every word you say
Is the life I need
Pinched nerves, nervous feelings
Cash in all of the above
And give it to the meek
Who understand a little more about love
Just take your shit to nowhere
That's somewhere that I won't be
You thought I could take a joke
But that joke took everything from me

You

Why do you need me?

Why

Do you play with me?

For the spectacle?

For the better days?

Pleasure baby

But maybe

I can hold out

For something better

So take off that face