- After high school my junior college art instructor discouraged all notions of using computers in the field of commercial art, so I dropped out of college. I would not return to higher education for another seventeen years.
- The girl whom I considered my soul-mate went off to college and quickly broke up with me. We had been on and off for about three years. We touched upon resolving things, but it never worked out. Ah, the perils of young love.
- I felt as though I was forced to leave my home after high school, but of course everyone must leave the nest at some point. I lived in a crawlspace under a friend's bedroom for awhile (I could sit up in bed, but my head was between floor joists when I did) that was infested with mice. I also lived on a friends back porch for some time with no heat. That was a cold winter. I was grateful though for the shelter.
- My band Cruces toured much and played many label festivals and was promised many good things with many handshakes. Nothing ever worked out for the band. At one point we had collected over ninety rejection letters from record labels. Cruces had thirteen total members. At any given time there were four to six people in the line-up, so that is a lot of line-up changes through the band's twelve year existence. Some of those departures were not friendly. it was very difficult having friendships, or rather, brother-like relationships torn apart. Ultimately, two members leaving at the same time spurred me to end the band and start over with Heavy Wishing.
- My first marriage was an on-going fight. We fought almost every night about something. In fact, I have really no memories from that marriage, because I can only assume I have blocked it in some way. I do know that I was miserable and finally got out.
- I have had to witness all of my grandparents, two uncles, and two aunts die of terminal illnesses. I can also count four good friends that have passed away, and have had to watch as friends lay their children to rest. Let's say I've had much practice as a pallbearer and singing at funerals.
- My second wife and I tried our hardest as owners of a tanning/beauty salon to make it work. Near the end we were putting over a thousand dollars a month out of our own pockets into the business. Ultimately we had to walk away from the business and file for bankruptcy.
- I spent hundreds of hours learning web design and hundreds more doing freelance work for clients. It never paid off, so I took up work at a fireplace/lighting shop. I was thankful for the work, but we watched ourselves get further in debt as the pay wasn't enough.
- For a greater part of my adult life I built houses with my father or other crews. The physical work was very hard and took its toll on my back. Whereas there were times that the money was good, those periods of time between jobs were hard financially. I ultimately gave up being a contractor and went back to college, because we were constantly underbid for jobs and it was incredibly expensive to stay insured.
- My second wife of eleven years walked into our bedroom one evening and said that she had divorce papers drawn up. No warning. I tried hard for some sort of reconciliation for two months. It never happened. It finally took a couple months of counseling to get me to stop placing the blame on myself.
- Immediately after the divorce I got a job stocking shelves at Kroger. During this time I was taking around 18 hours at SIU in the Teacher Education Program. It was the second block and nothing but paper after paper, many group projects, and constant portfolio work. I would go to work from 8pm-2:30am, get home and unwind by working out, start homework around 3:30am, usually go to sleep by 6am, and wake at 7am to get ready for classes. I survived on one hour of sleep during those work nights for six weeks. I took fifteen minute power naps on campus in any nook and cranny I could find. Along with coping with my failed marriage and living away from my children, it was the closest I ever came to a complete mental breakdown.
- I was told two weeks before graduating SIU that I was not in fact graduating. My adviser told me that I was three credit hours short. Within the next two weeks I borrowed money to pay for a statistics course at John A Logan, crammed for the class's final exam, and scored an 80.5; I needed an 80 to get credit for the course. I won't even describe the hell associated with that debacle and all the additional legwork involved in even getting SIU and JALC to work together in time for not only my graduation, but to get my teaching certificate in time to get one day of subbing in to qualify for the outgoing teaching retirement system. Ultimately a snow day killed that final goal on the last day of school before Christmas break. However, I did graduate with my peers and walked during graduation at the age of 37.
- In the last three years I have applied for countless teaching positions and have been shot down each and every time. I'm always told, "Well, it's who you know!" Really? Please. I know tons of people, and I will forever be grateful for those who have constantly gone to bat for me with countless phone calls, texts, and emails. It's difficult having touched the lives of hundreds of students as a substitute teacher, having them shout out "Mr. Cook!" every time they see me, and putting all of my heart into teaching in a classroom, only to know that I will never get a job as a public school teacher for whatever reason, which in most cases has been either because I wasn't related to a school board member, or I did not have coaching experience.
- Last fall I did two back-to-back leaves at an area high school as a math teacher. This tenure was from the second week of school into the early part of November. During this time, I somehow started in the middle of a pay period, and then there was the standard withholding period of a new employee. Meaning, it was around six weeks or so before I got my first paycheck, during which time I was out over five-hundred dollars in gas and food for work, the restaurant where I work evenings was slow, my power got shut off (which resulted in being turned in to DCFS), my water got shut off, and finally my phone got shut off. Yet I never missed a day of work, and did my damnedest to make sure those students were taught the lessons to the best of my abilities.
- I have been through several long-term relationships and break-ups since my divorce. None of them easy, and one or two that caused great heartache.
- My music has reached all over the globe in some fashion or the other thanks to internet radio and album sales on iTunes and Amazon. I have not received any monetary compensation, because it all goes back into advertising, and I will ultimately die a virtual unknown artist, because of the attitudes of the general population of music consumers in regards to unsigned acts. [READ WITH SARCASM] Because of course, if you're not signed to a major record deal, you must not be any good.
- I'm like every other poor bloke right now: I have about ten dollars in checking, I live from nightly tips as a server/bartender, I can't pay for old credit card debts incurred during my message and have constant court summons about said debts, something is always breaking down on my car, have spent thousands of dollars on overdraft fees, and live off of quinoa and dried beans. It is what it is.
Now...there is the great possibility that my just dues are coming. My fingers are crossed about a second interview with a company for whom I would love to work. I may actually be able to join the higher paid workforce which will change my life considerably. In the past three years I have discovered personal fitness which not only keeps my core strong, averting issues with my back, but it keeps me high on life. I continue to have a great relationship with my children, including my step-daughter from my second marriage. I maintain several relationships with long-term friends and even some newer friends. I also have a deep personal religious faith. I'm not outspoken about it at all, but it has always kept me going. I have seen friends quit and seemingly take the easy way out, but I will NOT let this world beat me down. You're all stuck with me and my optimism. You'll constantly see me post motivational images and videos to social networks. Not only does someone out there need it, I need it from time to time as well. Peace and many blessings to you all.
